


Mirror the Sun

by Amy Raine (amyraine)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Altered Mental States, Explicit Language, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Post Season 3, Romance, Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-17
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyraine/pseuds/Amy%20Raine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six years after the series finale, Azula is visited in her room at the asylum by none other than the Moon spirit, who makes her an offer that will allow her to go free. But Yue's offer comes with strings, and Azula spends the next several months discovering what those strings are and trying to determine her place in a world that moved on without her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Moon Spirit's Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Avatar Big Bang livejournal community. 
> 
> Have you ever become enamored with an idea, go full steam ahead with it, then realize about halfway through that it is far more difficult than you realized but you're too far committed to go back?
> 
> Yeah, that was me and this fic. I was tossing a couple of my own ideas around, but when I saw #27 on this prompt thread: 
> 
> http://avatarbigbang.livejournal.com/31065.html?thread=618841#t618841 
> 
> during the brainstorming post I thought, wow, what a neat idea. Then the actual logistics of making the scenario work tripped me up for months. I rewrote Part 1 twice and ended up splitting Part 2 into two separate parts. Then I decided I hated the ending and wanted to expand it out...but by that point I was completely burnt out on fic and fandom, mostly because I had several real life complications happen during that time.
> 
> So here is what I have. I may continue it. I may not. The whole process did give me a taste of the real work that goes into crafting a wellwritten piece (I mean, seriously, all the editing and rewriting, it's mind-boggling) which was a good lesson for me to learn.
> 
> Some other notes: La is female, sort of, although I'm of the opinion that spirits don't really have genders per se. Her female appearance is explained in story. Also, there is a single sex scene, not too explicit; however, depending on your interpretaion of Azula's mental state, some of you might see her consent as dubious. Lastly, since I wrote most of this long before the comic was available, I didn't try to comply with it or with Legend of Korra. So, I guess it's AU with respect to them, kinda?
> 
> By the by, I saw there was no premade tag for the Sokka/Azula pairing. Are they really so rare on AO3? What a shame. I think it has a lot of potential.

On a shaft of silvery light Yue descended, coming close to but not quite touching the earth that wasn't actually earth. Other spirits peered out from between the gnarled trees, awed in her presence. Her gown and hair floated about her, shimmering like pale light on water. Just below her dainty feet, the swamp--really the memory of a primordial land that once existed where humans walked now--gave way to a huge dark stretch of what could be the ocean, or silk, or a girl's hair. 

_ La, _ Yue called out, though her lips didn't move.

_ Yes? _ said the voice of her sister, best friend, shadow. A figure rose up out of the darkness, coalescing into a young woman in a gown very much like Yue's own, save for the color, which was the shifting black, green and indigo of the sea at night. Her hair and eyes were the same hue, blending into the dress like a river merging into the ocean at a delta. La had not tried appearing as human before--

_ fire upon the water blood in the sky a spirit wept death and a moon rose again _

\--she still enjoyed the novelty of it.

_I have to tell you something,_ she said.

A blink, and they were swimming in gentle circles in the warm waters of the Spirit Oasis. Yue--or was she Tui, most of the time she wasn't sure--flicked her white tail and wriggled her fins. La's black body undulated past her.  _ What is it? _

_ I am thinking about becoming human again. _

_ Again?  _ La's voice in her mind was amused, curious, and puzzled all at once.  _ Why? _

_ I...miss it. _

Their awareness shifted; the part of them that was a sphere of rock hanging over a vast expanse of salt water came to the forefront. In La's body Yue saw her face shining back, obscuring what lay below. An echo of laughter came from the Ocean's waves.  _ What is so wonderful about being human? _

La didn't understand; couldn't understand. Upon her rebirth, Yue had laid bare all her memories of her life as the Princess of the Northern Water tribe, and the Ocean spirit had gazed at each as a human merchant might hold up a jewel to the light and inspect it, savoring them with fascination and joy. But never once did she seem inclined to try humanity—the real thing, not a facsimile—out for herself. 

Yue couldn't explain to her what it felt like. To eat until you were stuffed, to stay up all night and sleep in, to bask under the glow of your parents' love, to kiss a boy...La was capable of love, this Yue did not doubt. She felt that love pour from each brush of La's fins on her own, each current that flowed in her waters, each gentle look from her dark eyes. Yet Yue's wish for what could have been tainted their endless dance, floated in the air between them, and was reflected back at La in her silver gaze.

If La was bothered by these desires of her new/old sister, so like and yet so different from Tui, she did not show it.  _ Do as you will,  _ she said through their mind link. _ But how will you accomplish this? No babies have been born ill enough to need your help. None that have survived long enough to make it to our spring, anyway. _

_ There is another way. But it will take some time to arrange things. _

The waves danced under the moonlight. The black fish followed the white one. The dark girl gazed at the pale one.  _ I'll miss you. _

_ Part of me will still be here. Will always be here. _

La did not answer.


	2. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 1: The Bargain

The Fire Lord sat on her throne with one knee up, her elbow resting on it, her hair down around her shoulders. The only sound in the empty room was the crackle of the flames. 

Normally she prided herself on maintaining her appearance. Her subjects needed to see her as nothing less than perfect. Not just a ruler, but a goddess. Today, though, she just couldn't pull it together. Her mind was scattered, her thoughts all over the place. The throngs of admirers that usually pleased her with their groveling irritated her, so she had sent them all away.

Suddenly she became aware of a presence. Her head shot up and saw a woman in white in the middle of the room, looking about her with curiosity. The blue light of the throne's fire weakened in the silver glow that seemed to come from within her.

Azula balled her hands into fists. “I gave orders that I wasn't to be disturbed! How dare you come in here without permission!”

“Permission.” The woman seemed amused by that. “But you let me in a long time ago. I've been with you, even as you hide in this dream world that you have constructed.”

“What nonsense are you speaking?” she snarled. “Who are you?”

“That's a difficult question,” the woman replied, tilting her head. The hem of her dress appeared to hover above the floor. “I am many things. You may call me Yue.”

“Yue,” Azula frowned. “Sounds familiar.”

“It should. Once, part of me existed as a princess like yourself.”

She was about to shout that she was a Fire Lord now, not a mere princess, but then the memories clicked inside her head. The winter before the comet, she had crept into her father's study and read Admiral Zhao's reports. “Chief's daughter. Northern Water Tribe.” She turned her nose up and sneered, “Princess is a rather high title for the child of ice-bound peasants.”

Azula expected Yue to be offended by that, but she only smiled. “As you say. It doesn't matter now. We don't have much time, so let's dispense with the pretense.” Suddenly the huge room faded around the two of them, the walls contracting, turning from deep red to dull gray. Azula saw now that she was not sitting on the Dragon Throne but on a narrow mattress on the floor, covered by a simple red blanket. To the right was a single wooden door, to the left a small window set high in the wall, with bars in front of the thick glass and no curtains. In the pale light streaming from that window the woman calling herself Yue floated, seeming to be made of that same light.

In shock and fury Azula lifted her arms to shoot flame at her, but they sagged under the weight of heavy metal gauntlets, locked onto her wrists and engulfing both hands so that if she attempted to bend she would burn her skin right off. They were joined to each other by a chain; another chain linked them to the shackles on her ankles which were in turn chained together with just enough give for her to take very small steps. A final chain running the length of the room connected her shackles to a sturdy metal ring cemented into the gray stone wall in the far corner. 

“Do you see the truth now?” Yue asked. 

Azula squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “No. This isn't real.” Her voice contained barely suppressed panic.

A touch on her forehead, cool but not unpleasant. “It is. You must look. You must remember.”

She opened her eyes again to see that Yue had drawn closer. “I remember,” she whispered. “I was about to be crowned, and my brother showed up with that girl.” She spat out the last two words like they were foul-tasting. “I shot at that waterbender trash and Zuko took the bolt instead. Then she...subdued me.” Her voice rose in pitch and volume. “She defeated me! Me!” 

“Shh,” Yue said, placing a finger on her lips. “Calm down. You do not want to draw attention to yourself. Don't drive me away before you hear what I have to offer.”

Azula glared up at her. “Go on.”

“I can free you. I can help you get your life back.”

“Oh, really? How can some floating illusion do that?”

Yue smiled. “I am more real than those dreams you hide in. If you want freedom, I can give it to you, but I can't do it here. You must travel to the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole.”

Azula tittered. “I'm not going anywhere in these,” she said, and held up her metal-encased hands.

“Leave that part to me. All you must do is agree to let me help you and trust me no matter what happens.”

“Trust you?” Azula laughed sharply.“I'm not entirely convinced you're real. That Yue girl died.”

“That's true,” Yue said, drawing nearer, “but in giving my life to the moon spirit, we became one, and I was reborn.”

“Let's say for the sake of argument I actually believe any of that. Why are you interested in me?”

Yue reached out a hand and ran her fingers lightly over Azula's temple. “My purview extends beyond my effect on the ocean tides. I have a connection to those who are not...all there, so to speak. And I find you fascinating.”

Azula pulled away. “This sounds like a bad idea. In the stories, spirit bargains always have a catch.” She sniffed. “Not that I put any credence in superstitions. They're for peasants and idiots.”

Still no reaction from the spirit, just that irritatingly calm smile. “So you'd rather remain the deranged princess who spent the rest of her life in a tiny room, lost in her own delusions, forgotten and unloved?”

Azula trembled with rage, but underneath was a strong current of fear. Holding her emotions back, she muttered, “You promise to get me out of here?”

“I promise to help free you.”

“Fine,” she said. “I accept your offer.”

“Your word? I will know if you lie.”

“Yes.”

Yue sank down until she was looking Azula in the eye. “I'm going to put you to sleep for a little while. When you wake up, everything will be different.”

Panic welled up in Azula.  _ I don't want to go to sleep!  _ cried out a voice in the back of her mind. She flashed back to muddled memories of dark shapes holding her down and forcing liquids down her throat, while she tried to throw fire at them and screamed as it rebounded upon her own skin. As Yue pressed ethereal lips to Azula's own, the panic died down, the voice went silent, and she closed her eyes.


	3. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 2: Dying Flame, Rising Moon

She floated in warmth, cradled by water gentle as a mother's embrace. Something tickled her leg, but it didn't bother her. Her eyes fluttered open, tried to focus, but everything was blurry. Was there something wrong with her vision? No, the water was just covering her face. It felt so nice, so warm and safe. She could swim here forever, round and round and round...

Then something pulled her out of the water and she thrashed about, her entire body thrumming in fear.

“Calm down!” a voice cried out. A female voice. “Azula, calm down!” 

Azula? Was that her name?

She stilled and blinked her eyes – human eyes – at the source of the voice. A woman knelt beside her on the soft grass, her blue eyes wide with shock. “I can't believe it.”

“Believe what?” she asked with a mouth that didn't feel like her own. “Who are you?” The hoarse voice that spoke those words sounded strange to her.

Now the woman looked confused. “My name is Katara. You don't remember me?”

Azula, if that's who she was, looked around. She was in some sort of cavern, its white walls glistening in the glow of a light that didn't seem to have a source. They were on an island in the middle of the cavern. On one side of them was a grove of beautiful, fragrant trees with a delicate, ornate structure standing in front of them. Two poles with a long cloth tied between them lay nearby, some kind of thick fur on top. On the other side was a pool clear all the way to the bottom. In it, two fish swam in a circle – white, black, white, black. For a moment she could feel the water on her skin—

_ scales _

\--again. 

“Azula?” 

She tore her gaze away from the pool and focused her attention on Katara's face, but her mind brought up nothing. “No. I don't remember you. I don't remember...anything.”

Katara's brows furrowed. “Come on. Let's get you into some clean dry clothes and find you a place to rest. No, no,” she said when Azula tried to get to her feet, “You've been sick for a long time. Let me get you some help.” She turned toward the cavern entrance, where the silhouette of a tall building stood. Beyond it, a white circle shone high in the sky. “We're finished!” she called.

Two men dressed in a blue similar to the shade of Katara's clothes came in, walking up the ice shelf along the cavern wall. One had blue beads in his hair, the other had a strip of blue cloth tied around his forehead. They halted before crossing the bridge, their eyes huge and their mouths open.

Katara cleared her throat. “The princess is still too weak to walk. I need help getting her back to the palace.” 

Princess...palace. She wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but it sounded right. 

The men approached cautiously, like they were afraid to come too close. Azula did not resist as Katara helped her lay on the cloth attached to the poles and tucked the fur around her. Each man took the ends of the carrier's poles in their hands and lifted her up; she swayed gently with the rhythm of their stride. Above her the icy ceiling abruptly gave way to a vast stretch of black dotted with thousands of tiny lights, dominated by the white sphere.  _ The moon, _ her brain helpfully supplied. Something about it comforted her.

Then the men lifted her through a circular door and along a courtyard with roofed walls along both sides. The great structure she had seen before loomed up before her and now she could make out a symbol at the top that looked like a stylized wave . They carried her through ice halls and up dimly lit stairs, finally setting her down in a windowless room with a platform covered in furs and blankets. The man with the beads lifted her onto it, avoiding her gaze, then the two men left. Katara came into view once more. “Are you warm enough?”

Azula pulled the fur she was wrapped in tighter around herself and nodded.

“Okay. I'll be in to check on you in a bit.” Katara left, shutting the door behind her. 

Alone in the dark, Azula closed her eyes. How much time passed there, she couldn't say. At one point she heard voices outside her door.

“How is she?” a man asked, his voice deep and oddly soothing.

“I don't know” Katara sounded tired and unsure. “She woke up and spoke to me, but it seems like she has amnesia. And that's not all that has changed. Her hair has turned white.”

A pause, and then the man asked in a stunned tone, “Why would my daugh...I mean, the moon spirit do that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Let me know if her condition improves. It would be best if you take her back to the Fire Nation as soon as she is ready to travel.” 

Fire Nation? Take her back? What did that mean?

“Of course, Chief Arnook,” Katara answered. “I am sorry for imposing upon you.”

“It's all right. It's just that...despite our efforts, word got out that the princess was on the ship. We may have a peace accord with the Fire Nation, but no one has forgotten what happened the last time firebenders were here.”

Firebenders?

“I understand. We'll leave as soon as possible.”

Azula might have drifted off then. The next thing she knew, light was coming in through the crack underneath the door. Someone else was speaking to Katara, also a man, but not the same one from before. When he spoke, his tone held a note of sarcasm. “How's the patient?”

“She's been asleep since last night.”

“Why are you doing this, Katara? I thought you hated Azula.”

“I do! I mean, I did. I don't know how I feel now.” Katara sighed. “It's hard to explain and you wouldn't believe me anyway.”

“Try me.”

A long pause, then she spoke. “I felt bad for Lady Ursa, because of all she's been through, but that wasn't just it. I've been having these dreams. I think Yue was calling me to do this.”

“Damn it, Katara,” the man growled. “Don't play around. Not...” His voice softened. “Not where she's concerned.”

“I'm not! I wouldn't say it if I weren’t sure it was true.” 

Another moment of silence, then the man said, “Fine. I just hope you're doing the right thing.” 

His words were followed by the sound of footsteps retreating, then Katara's whisper. “I hope so, too.”

The door opened then and Katara jumped a little at seeing Azula sitting up in bed. This time, a small bag of some kind was slung on her shoulder. “Oh, hi. Did you just wake up?” 

“I've been awake for a while.” Azula replied. “You were...talking to someone.”

“Yes. My brother, Sokka.” 

“Sokka.” Azula bent her head, twisting the fur in her thin hands. “Do I know him?” 

“You've...met before.” Katara sat down on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?”

For the first time, Azula noticed that her knuckles were crisscrossed with knotted scars. “Okay, I think.”

“Any pain?”

“No.”

Katara uncapped the bag. “I would like to check you. I promise it won't hurt. Just lay back.”

Azula obeyed and Katara moved her fingers in a graceful motion. To Azula's amazement, water flowed out of the bag in response, shimmering slightly as it flowed up to cover Katara's hands. With her hands hovering a bit over Azula's body, she moved them up and down, spending extra time around her head.

“You seem healthy enough, though you need to gain back your strength.” Katara sounded clinical and detached as another motion of her fingers sent the water back into the water skin. “The energy around your seventh chakra is all bunched up, which is possibly why you have amnesia, but it's not something I can fix without risking harm to your mind.”

None of what she said made any sense to Azula, so she didn't respond.

“Do you want anything?” Katara asked.

“I'm hungry, and I'd like to get out of bed.”

“Okay, just...take it easy.” 

Azula slid her feet out from under the covers and onto the floor, then stood up. She wavered a little and Katara reached out to steady her.

“I'm all right,” Azula said, staring down at her wrinkled clothes. She lifted her arm and took a tentative sniff of her sleeve, then made a face.

A laugh bubbled up out of Katara. “How about we get you a bath and a change of clothes.”

A little while later, Azula reclined in a tub of hot water up to her neck in a small private room. Her white hair floated around her. The door was cracked just a hair so she could call Katara, who waited just outside.

“Katara?”

“Yeah?”

“You said I am a princess?”

“Yes. Of the Fire Nation.” The words were clipped and matter of fact. Azula wondered if she should feel something at hearing them.

“And I got sick?”

“Yeah. Well, actually, you were in a hospital already, but about a week ago you fell unconscious and no one could figure out why. Your mother brought in doctors from all over, even from the Earth Kingdom, but nothing they did worked. So...I brought you here.”

Azula waited for her to say more, but she was silent. Just then her stomach rumbled. “Katara, I'm ready to get out.”

“Uh, okay. The towel's right there along with your clothes.” Katara's hand slipped in and pointed at a bench along the wall on top of which sat a fluffy white towel and a pile of folded red garments. “You probably expect help getting dressed, right?” 

Azula looked up, puzzled at the snide edge which had crept into Katara's tone. “No, I can do it myself.”

The red robes were easy to slide on, but the thin material didn't do much to ward off the cold. Water from her still damp hair and skin soaked into it, chilling her further. When she left the room, she was shivering. 

Katara softened a little. “It can be hard to dry off enough to avoid getting cold. Here.” She moved her hands; the moisture in Azula's hair and clothes oozed out and Katara flung it out the window. Then she studied her. “Are those clothes warm enough? I brought the thickest I could find.”

“I'm still a little cold.”

“I'll see if I can dig you up a coat. And would you like someone to help you with your hair?”

“Okay.”

Katara nodded and hurried off.

Back in her bedroom Azula sat down and waited patiently. A few minutes later Katara appeared in the door with a plump woman holding a comb and a hand mirror. The latter bowed and began work on Azula's hair. 

“I'm going to go eat lunch. Will you show her the way to the dining room when you're done?”

“Yes, Master Katara,” said the maid.

“Thanks.” She turned to go but was brought up short by the appearance of an older woman in regal violet robes in the doorway, a bundle in her arms. “Lady Aga?”

The lady was staring past her at Azula, her eyes wide. She shook off whatever was on her mind and held out a thick purple parka, trimmed in white fur. “I have a coat here, as you requested.” She paused. “It was Yue's. I hope that's not too strange, but it was the only one I had that was appropriate for the princess and close to her size. Besides...it's not like my daughter needs it now.”

Katara bowed her head before taking the coat. “Thank you. I appreciate everything you and the chief have done.” She placed the parka on the bed in front of Azula. “Here you go. I'll see you in a bit.” With one last look, Lady Aga hurried away, and Katara followed.

The maid was quiet as her hands flew through Azula's hair, pulling and weaving it. Finally she spoke, “There you go, Princess. Take a look.” She handed her the mirror and Azula held it up to her face. Her hair had been piled on top of her head in snowy loops and braids, one of which spilled out and over her shoulder. She touched one white eyebrow, peered closely at the golden eyes ringed by white lashes barely seen against pale cheeks, lifted her pointed chin to see the delicate long neck underneath--

_ wrong it's all wrong I have black hair no the hair is right but the skin is different and the eyes... _

“You look very pretty.”

Azula put the mirror down. It sounded like the maid might be trying to comfort her, though she had no idea why. “Thank you.” 

The maid rose. “Come on, let me show you where to go.”

The dining room wasn't far, down a flight of steps and up a hallway. The maid paused to bow when they drew near, then continued on down the hall and disappeared around the corner. As Azula approached, she heard Katara speaking. “I don't think you have to worry about her, It's like her personality has been wiped, leaving some...puppet in her place.”

Laughter met her statement; it sounded like it belonged to Sokka. “Hey,” Katara said. “It's not funny.”

Azula crept noiselessly closer until she could see into the room. A single rectangular table took up most of it; Katara sat at the far end with her brother across from her, a tureen and a platter containing half of a large fish between them. The family resemblance was there in the eyes and smile, but where her face was round and soft, his was angular and crowned with a rough mop of hair, the top of which was pulled back into some kind of short tail. Seeing his smile made her feel warm. 

“Aw, come on,” he said. “Think about it. How useful would that have been six years ago when she was chasing us?” Forming his hands into mouths, he began to pantomime two puppets, alternating between a high pitched voice and a low one. “'I'm Princess Azula, I'm here to capture the Avatar!' 'Oh yeah! Well get a load of this!' 'Oh no, what are you doing to me?'

Azula's brows drew together in confusion and hurt. Who was this Avatar he was talking about? What happened to make him talk about her with such scorn?

In the meantime Katara was frowning, but her next words showed it wasn't because of concern about Azula. “Sokka, have you forgotten what time of month this is?” 

He screwed up his face in disgust. “Oh yeah. Thanks a lot, Katara. Now I've lost my appetite.”

She rolled her eyes. “Please. Nothing makes you lose your appetite.”

“True,” he said, grinning again and putting another piece of fish into his mouth. He glanced over at the doorway and his smile died. Katara turned to see what he was looking at and her mouth fell open. 

Azula drew back, anxiety joining her jumble of feelings, but Katara mustered up a smile and beckoned to her “Come sit. You said you were hungry. The food here is probably more bland than you're used to but I might be able to find some spices in the kitchen or something.”

“That's okay,” Azula said, taking the seat she offered. She wasn't sure what kind of food she was 'used to', but what they were eating smelled delicious and her stomach rumbled.

Sokka began busily shoving food into his mouth as if he suddenly remembered having somewhere to go. 

“Here,” said Katara, breaking into her thoughts. “Have some fish. And there's some soup here.” As she ladled soup into Azula's bowl and slid some of the tender meat onto her plate, Sokka abruptly began to cough and hack. Alarmed, Katara rushed over and gave him several hard thumps on the back. After much more ado, he spit a fish bone onto the table. 

“Shouldn't eat your food so fast.” she scolded. “You don't have anywhere to go anyway.”

“Sure I do,” he grumbled.

“I can just eat in my room,” Azula murmured.

“No,” Katara said sharply. “It's fine. Please eat.” She made a big show of sitting down, putting a piece of fish in her mouth and chewing. “Mmmmm.”

Azula began to pick at the fish on her plate, though she no longer had an appetite. Sokka, for his part, helped himself to more food with tight lips and downcast eyes. As if to break the uncomfortable silence, he said to his sister, “So when are you meeting up with Aang again?”

“Once I get Azula back to the Fire Nation, I'll take a ship back to our village. Hopefully he'll be done in Omashu by then and he'll meet me there. So...a couple of weeks?”

“That's rough, being separated that long.”

“It's okay, but I don't want to make a habit of it.”

“I'm sorry,” said Azula. “You shouldn't be inconvenienced because of me.”

Sokka and Katara exchanged glances. “Uh...it's fine,” she said. “Don't worry about it.” 

After a long silence, Sokka coughed. “Well, uh, this has been great, but I really should be going.”

“I'll see you later,” Katara said, and he nodded. As an afterthought, he bowed to Azula, quick and impersonal, then headed out of the room. She stared after him as he went, then looked back down at her half eaten fish.

“Are you still hungry?” Katara asked.

Azula shook her head.

“You want to take a walk instead?”

At her nod they got to their feet and headed down to the main level of the palace. Azula took everything in, the violet-gray rug with the wave symbol, the tall columns with carved animal faces, the waterfall in the back of the room. At the entrance she gazed down at the sparkling ice city built into the hill below, stretching all the way down to a huge wall. Beyond the wall, she could make out a large metal ship floating in the vast ocean. 

Heading back upstairs, they passed a few people hurrying someplace or standing guard. Their reactions were the same as those of the men that had carried her the night before: shock, then a poor attempt to avert their gaze. 

“Everyone keeps staring at me,” Azula said.

“You're not the first white-haired princess they've seen,” Katara replied. 

“Someone else was sick?”

“Um, yes. The chief's daughter, Yue, a long time ago.”

Something inside Azula responded to that name. “Is she here?” 

“No.” Katara glanced sideways at her, then looked away. “She turned into the moon.”

  
  



	4. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 3: The Truth about Her Past

That evening the chief extended an invitation via Katara to have Azula join them for dinner. When the two women arrived, Sokka was already there with Arnook and Aga, along with an older man with a friendly smile and a beard streaked with gray. Sokka and the other man stood up and bowed briefly and formally as they walked in and took their seats. 

Arnook cleared his throat and said, “My sincerest apologies, Princess Azula, for not properly greeting you before, but I didn't wish to disturb you while you were ill.” 

“How are you feeling now?” asked Lady Aga.

“I'm feeling well, thank you.” Azula replied. “I appreciate your hospitality.”

Curiosity and discomfort flickered over Arnook's face, but he brought it under control quickly. His wife, on the other hand, had grief and longing written all over hers.  _ I must remind them of their daughter,  _ Azula thought, and dropped her gaze.

In the meantime Arnook continued, “This is Irkuk, the Northern Tribe's Ambassador to the Earth Kingdom.”

“It's very nice to meet you,” Katara said, and Azula gave a polite nod.

“The pleasure is mine.” If Irkuk found Azula's appearance unnerving like the other Water Tribe people she had encountered did, he hid it well. Sokka, on the other hand, didn't look at her at all.

Servants came in and laid out dishes of blubbered seal and mussel-oysters with seaweed bread. When each person had been served, Katara said, “So what are these trade negotiations all about?”

Sokka and Irkuk looked to each other, then Irkuk made a 'you go ahead' gesture and Sokka began, “You might remember from the last time you and Aang were in Ba Sing Se that purple has suddenly become fashionable there.”

“Yeah. That color was everywhere.”

“Right now, the main supplier of the dye has been the Southern Water Tribe, for no other reason than we got there first. But Dad's worried that we're going to over-fish the little mollusks that we get the dye from.”

Irkuk took up the explanation. “In the meantime the North has lots of the little shellfish in their waters and would like in on the dye trade, especially before the fickle Earth Kingdom nobility decide that some other color is the new fashion, like red or yellow.”

“But our men don't want to lose business to competitors when we're finally bringing some real wealth into the tribe and doing some good,” Sokka said. “So we need to bring the Northern traders in without flooding the market and creating losses for everyone.” 

“Wow,” Katara said. “That sounds...exciting.”

That made everyone at the table laugh. “Trust me, little sis,” Sokka replied. “It would be more fun to watch ice melt. But we got the bulk of it worked out between us yesterday, so tomorrow we'll head back to Ba Sing Se and present our proposal. Hopefully in another week we'll have the final agreement hammered out.”

The topic of conversation changed then to other, lighter things. Azula ate without speaking, having nothing to contribute. Occasionally she would look up only to see Lady Aga casting glances her way. 

Once their plates were mostly emptied, Chief Arnook addressed Katara again. “When are you planning on leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning.” 

He nodded. “I wish you safe travels back to the Fire Nation.”

Tomorrow? So soon? Azula was just getting somewhat used to this place of cold and snow, despite the feeling of being unwelcome. Now she had to say goodbye to it and go to a place that she had no memory of and knew nothing about. Katara had mentioned her mother, but instead of being comforted by the idea that someone was waiting for her, the knots in Azula's stomach only seemed to grow. 

“It's a shame I didn't get to see more of your beautiful city,” she blurted out. Maybe they'd let her stay just one more day.

The silence that fell over the table was almost tangible. Katara finally broke it with, “That's really not a good idea.” 

Lady Aga spoke up then, “There's still time this evening for you to go out.” She placed her hand on her husband's and said to him. “The damage is already done; word has gotten out that she was taken to the spring. Besides, she is the Fire Lord's sister. We need to treat her well.”

Fire Lord. Yet another thing to add to the list of words that made no sense to Azula. This particular phrase, though, gave her a feeling of disquiet that none of the others had.

“All right,” said Arnook, though he didn't look happy with the idea. “You will need an escort, Princess. For your safety.”

Katara gave a tiny sigh and stood up. “Okay, whenever you're ready.”

“No, I'll take her,” Sokka said, surprising them. His smile this time seemed just a little forced, but maybe Azula was imagining it. At seeing Katara's confusion he added. “You need a break. Seriously, I got this.”

Katara looked from him to Azula and back; underneath the uncertainty seemed to lurk a tiny bit of relief. “Okay. See you when you get back.”

Sokka got up and beckoned for her to follow. Wordlessly, he led the way down an immense staircase to the level of the houses and shops, only glancing back every now and again to make sure she was behind him. What had glittered white in the daytime was now dark blues and grays, turned pearly in places by the glow of carefully tended fires from within and the light of the swollen moon. Had the events at lunch not happened, she might say that she was enjoying being out with a cute young man on a quiet night under the full moon.

_ just like before, when she was younger...no, that wasn't right, it was another boy on a hot summer night, standing with her on a balcony overlooking the ocean... _

They halted on a bridge over one of the main canals. Azula looked out to sea and saw the dark outline of the Fire Nation ship against the field of stars, and anxiety once again pushed all other feelings aside.

“So, what do you think?”

Startled, she blinked at Sokka. “Hm?”

“The city. You wanted to see it.” He spread his arm out. “Now you see it. What do you think?”

“Oh. It's nice.”

Sokka narrowed his eyes. “All right, what's your deal, Azula?”

She stepped back, alarmed by the sudden change in his tone. “What do you mean?”

“Cut the act,” he scoffed. “I don't know what you've been up to in that hospital for the past six years, but clearly you suckered my sister into bringing you up here. This is all part of some big plan to overthrow your brother, isn't it?” He jabbed a gloved finger at her. “If it is, I swear I'll tie you up and dump you in the ocean.”

“I don't know what you're talking about!” she cried.

“Yeah, right. I don't believe that for a second. You probably figured out some way to use the moon's power to do...” He floundered a bit. “...something evil!”

She shook her head in vigorous denial. “Katara said I was unconscious. How could I fake that?”

“I'm sure you'd find a way.” But already his anger was subsiding. “I guess,” he said after a moment, “that Yue wouldn't help you if she thought you were going to hurt our tribe.”

That name again. It felt more familiar than the one everyone was calling her, a name that only seemed to garner derision and fear

“I don't remember anything before yesterday,” she said. “What did I do to make you so angry?”

He laughed a bitter laugh. “You want to know? Let's see. You tried to kill me. You tried to kill my sister. You almost did kill Aang, who is one of my best friends, not to mention the Avatar. And then you tried to kill Zuko, but when you couldn't you tried to kill Katara again, and was really badly hurt.” He threw his arms up. “You put my ex-girlfriend in a maximum security prison, you took over the biggest city in the Earth Kingdom and brought in an army to terrorize its citizens, and you gave your dad the idea to burn the entire world to the ground during Sozin's comet. Does that answer your question?”

Azula stared at him with her mouth open. All the names he had just thrown at her swirled through her head, a giant whirlpool of information with nothing to anchor to.

“Are you...are you seriously crying?” he asked.

She lifted a hand and touched her cheek. Her glove came away damp.

Sokka rubbed his forehead. “I don't believe this.” He exhaled, relaxed his arms, looked up and down the deserted path and empty canal, then back to her. “Let's just go back to the palace.”

Numb, she followed him back up the long staircase to the top where the palace stood. He left her by the entrance and strode back down, veering off a couple levels down toward a little home and disappearing inside. 

Katara appeared at her side a moment later. “You're back. Everything okay?” Azula turned to her with cheeks still wet and she asked, “What happened?”

“Sokka told me I did some terrible things,” she answered softly. “That I tried to kill you and that I hurt some people. Is it true?”

Katara went rigid. “Yes.”

“Then...why did you help me?”

She stared at the ground, hugging her arms to herself. “I wanted to help your mother. She's been through a lot. I've never been able to just stand aside if there's something I can do to help.” Katara turned her face to the sky. “That's not just it, though. Right around the same time you got sick, I started having these dreams. Sometimes it was the moon, sometimes it was a white fish, sometimes it was Yue herself. But they always ended the same way, with me putting you in the spring in the Oasis.” 

She began heading toward the stairs. “We had better get some sleep. The ship leaves early in the morning.”

After they went to their separate rooms, Azula lay down and shut her eyes, but sleep eluded her. She crept out of her room and down the hall to the window. Above, the moon glowed full and bright, calming her. She sat in its light until it finally set and the first pink rays of dawn lit the horizon.


	5. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 4: The Journey Home

At breakfast the next morning, the chief and his wife wished her a stiff and formal goodbye. Other than Katara, no one else was there. After the meal, Katara left to fetch her things from her room. Azula removed her coat and made to give it to Lady Aga, but the lady stopped her with a hand. “You can keep the coat. You'll need it until you reach warmer waters.” Her blue eyes were warm and soft, but still sad. Azula suddenly wished she could stay and do whatever it took to bring happiness to those eyes.

_ You can't,  _ said a cold voice within her.  _ You're not her daughter. _

She had no time to dwell on that thought, as Katara showed up at that moment, her waterskin on one hip and a large satchel on the other. She led Azula all the way down to the edge of the moat that surrounded the palace, where a small silver barge with a flat bottom waited. “Sit right there with my bag.” she directed, pointing at a spot toward the front. Azula knelt there and Katara took up a position in the back. Fascinated, Azula watched her motion with her arms and the water responded. pushing the boat forward. As Katara's hands rose and fell, the water lifted the boat and carried it down each level of the city to the deep pools at its foot. Men and women lined up along the edge and pulled the water out, lowering them down the rest of the way to the level of the wall. 

Another boat waited there, made of dark gray metal with a red emblem that looked like a stylized flame on it. Inside it sat two men in red, who averted their eyes as the two women floated out of the lock, though Azula caught glimpses of fear on their faces. They helped the two of them out of the barge and into their boat, and Katara resumed manipulating the water. As they approached the wall, men and women along the top moved their arms and a great tunnel opened up in the ice.

On the other side of the wall another ship lay anchored beside the Fire Nation vessel, wooden with green sails that bore a yellow circle inscribed with a square. 

“What's that?” she asked Katara.

“Earth Kingdom merchant ship. My brother and Ambassador Irkuk booked passage on it to get back to Ba Sing Se. The capital city,” she added by way of explanation, and her tone grew hard. “You've been there before.” She didn't elaborate.

Behind them, another small boat emerged from the tunnel in the wall. Ambassador Irkuk sat in the stern and Sokka rowed them to the merchant ship with smooth strokes. He glanced their way, and Katara waved to him. Sokka waved back and Azula thought that for a moment his gaze fell on her, but it was hard to tell with the rapidly growing distance between them.

They pulled alongside the ship and the men helped her up the ladder, though they seemed reluctant to touch her. The metal deck clanged dully under their footsteps as Katara led her down inside the ship to a large, richly decorated room. That flame symbol was everywhere: on the crimson bedspread, on the gold trimmed red tapestries on the walls, even inscribed on the candles. 

Once alone, Azula went to the tiny port window and looked out to the ocean. The Earth Kingdom vessel was within her view, and tiny figures on its deck were drawing the anchor and grabbing ropes. Under her feet the ship rumbled and began to move. The other vessel's sails filled with wind and it headed in the other direction, disappearing over the horizon.

 

*

 

The first few days of the journey, Azula's body trembled with energy nearly all the time, driving her to walk up and down the halls or pace along the railing of the deck, keeping her awake most of the night and day. Shortly after moonrise the first night, she found Katara on the deck near the bow, going through a series of motions that guided a huge bubble of water back and forth, up and down. While Azula watched, she summoned more water out of the sea until the bubble she manipulated was twice as big as either of them, dancing around her, threatening to burst at any second and drench them. Instead, Katara dropped it back into the sea and turned to Azula. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. It's just...I like watching you do that. With the water.”

Katara's eyebrows nearly reached her hair loops. “That's funny. You always acted like any bending other than firebending was weak and useless.” A realization seemed to hit her then. “Is it possible?”

“Is what possible?”

“Have you forgotten how to firebend?”

Azula tilted her head slightly to the side. “I used to firebend?”

Katara chuckled once, short and bitter. “Oh yeah. Not just fire. Lightning too. That's how...” She shook her head. “Never mind. Here, try to bend.”

Azula gave her a blank look, then stepped out on an angle, shifted her weight from one foot to the other and lifted her arm up, palm turning in, like she saw Katara do. The other woman burst into laughter. “No, no, you can't use a waterbending stance! Waterbending is pushing and pulling. Firebending uses more kicks and punches.” She demonstrated by planting her foot behind her and awkwardly thrusting her fist out. 

Confused, Azula attempted to copy her, but there wasn't so much as a puff of smoke.

“Nothing. Huh.” Katara studied her. “Well, maybe it will come back with your memories.” 

Azula pulled her coat tighter around her. 

“What if they don't come back?” she asked. “The memories or the bending?”

Katara turned away. 

“If I said I hope they will, then I'd be lying.”

 

*

 

When the moon entered its gibbous stage, they reached the mouth of a river and sailed southwest down it, passing banks lined with bare-branched trees. At one point they went under a long arching bridge, but Azula didn't ask what it was for. 

The weather warmed little by little, finally reaching a point where Azula no longer needed the purple parka. She carefully folded it and stowed it in the trunk in her room. As the days passed, she was able to go to bed a little earlier and sleep a little longer, but the rest of the time was passed in silence and boredom. Even watching Katara practice no longer held appeal, as it only reminded her that she was missing something.

Other than at dinner, where she would eat quiet meals while Katara and the ship's captain talked of little nothings, she spent most of her time alone wandering the long stretch of deck or the empty halls. Where the rest of the crew was, she didn't know. Every so often she would cross paths with a sailor, who would bow deeply with a fist under a palm before hurrying away, never once looking at her. She'd almost rather be stared at; the feeling of being ostracized was a thousand times worse. 

Unlike them, Katara had become less distant since their conversation the first night, even friendly. Azula sensed it was out of some kind of pity and that irritated her a bit. However, the waterbender was the closest thing she had to a friend, and she dreaded arriving in the Fire Nation even more because it meant that Katara would soon leave.

The fourth day of the journey they sailed into a lake, changed course from southeast to southwest, and headed down another river. Little groups of green-roofed buildings dotted the shore, and smaller boats sailed in and out of the docks along the banks. The moon had waned to a semi-circle by the time they reached another ocean and veered north along the shore, finally pulling into a resort town where the crew could take a little rest while the ship was restocked with coal and supplies for the final leg of the trip. 

As the ship pulled into port, Katara knocked on Azula's door. “Do you want to come down to the market with me? Get off the boat for a little while?” 

“No, thank you.”

“Okay. I'll see you when I get back then.” Katara turned to go.

“Wait.” Azula stood up “I think I will go.”

“Okay, then.” With an encouraging smile Katara led the way up to the deck, but Azula stopped again and she turned with a raised eyebrow.

“On second thought, maybe I should stay here.”

Katara's smile was fraying around the edges. “Fine, just make up your mind.” She sighed. “Are you worried about people looking at your hair?”

“A little.”

“Want to wear a cloak then? You've got one with a hood.” 

Duly outfitted, Azula followed Katara off the ship and up the main thoroughfare of the town. Katara bought a peach at one stand, inspected some carved figures at another, tried on a scarf at a third.

“Hey,” she said, her eyes lighting up, “there's a spa belonging to some Fire Nation people up the way. This used to be one of their colonies and they were among those who chose to stay. Want to go?”

Azula held back. “I don't know.”

Katara took her hand and squeezed it. “You'll have to face some of your own people sometime. This would be good practice. They might not recognize you, anyway.”

After hesitating a moment longer, Azula conceded. 

The spa was a lovely place, large windows open to the air, simple furnishings, smiling staff. Winter was slowly giving way to spring; the trees had begun to bud and a warm breeze played through the room. Katara stepped behind a screen and emerged wrapped in a light robe, with her hair in a towel. She stretched out on one of the massage tables, resting on her belly, the robe pushed down around her waist just far enough for the masseuse to work on the muscles. 

As Azula was about to move behind the screen to take off the cloak and the rest of her clothing, she happened to glance out the window. The road they had come up stretched down to the docks, their ship at the end of it. 

It was so familiar. Her forehead creased as she tried to remember why she felt like she had been here before...

Then it came to her.

Azula darted out of the spa and fled down the street, the hood of her cloak flying back, her white hair streaming behind her, oblivious to the stares of the villagers. She ran up the ramp of the ship, down into the hold, and to her cabin. Panting, she threw herself on her bed, not sure if the rapid beating of her heart was from the exertion, or the memory.

Not long after, a knock sounded on her door, though it was open. Katara stood in the doorway, looking worried.

“Sorry,” Azula said, sitting up. “I shouldn't have run off like that.”

“It's okay, I'm not mad.” Katara took a seat on the bed and folded her hands in her lap. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Despite her growing trust in the other woman, it still was hard for Azula to speak. “I remembered that spa. I've been there before. I found my brother and my uncle there and I was supposed to capture them and take them home.”

“Your memory is coming back faster than I expected.”

“There's still a lot I don't remember. That was the first time a memory came that I could hold on to.” Azula started down at her hands, clasped together tight enough to make the knuckles white. “What if I become like that girl again?”

“You can't change the past,” Katara said softly, “But you're not trapped by it either. Everyone has a choice. So do you. Choose who you want to be.”


	6. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 5: The Return of the Prodigal

The ship coasted past two statues of the same grim-looking man dressed in ornate robes, which Katara named “the Gates of Azulon”, though Azula couldn't figure out why it was called a gate. Not long after that, the white stone of a plaza caught their attention, shining brightly in the midday sun.

“You don't seem happy,” Katara said.

“I don't know how to feel,” Azula replied.

“It'll be okay.” Katara peered at the harbor with a hand shading her eyes. “I think the welcoming committee is here.”

Along the dock, a palanquin surrounded by servants and courtiers waited. Its curtains did not allow anyone a view of who was inside. A second one rested behind it with curtains drawn, empty and waiting. 

The next events seemed like they were in slow motion: the ship gradually pulling up to the dock, the ramp slowly being lowered down, Azula's feet carrying her toward the waiting group one heavy step at a time. She did not wear her cloak, having decided to herself earlier that she would enter her country uncovered, and she saw people turn to each other and whisper just before bowing low.

Now the two of them stood in front of the near palanquin, and a slim hand was emerging from within to push aside the curtains. The hand was protruding from a deep red robe trimmed and belted in a darker red. A matching red flame perched on a topknot at the crown of the head, while more brown hair tumbled over shoulders and back. A pair of amber eyes bordered by faint lines blinked over a straight nose and a pair of lips that were now parting to whisper, “Azula?” With that word the features pulled together into a whole, a woman gazing at her in stunned silence.

“Azula,” Katara began, “this is the Lady Ursa, your mother.” To Ursa she explained,“She's having trouble with her memory.”

Azula felt like snapping at her that she could speak for herself, but her irritation faded as quickly as it came. 

“How are you feeling?” Ursa asked her.

_Like I'd rather be anywhere else but here,_ Azula thought. She met her mother's eyes, recalling what Katara had said.

_She's been through a lot._

Azula took Ursa's hand in her own. “I'm fine, Mother. I'm happy to be home.” The lie slid easily from her tongue.

Ursa squeezed her daughter's hand, then touched Katara's arm. “Thank you. It would take me lifetimes to repay you for all you have done.”

“I'm just happy I could help,” she replied softly.

A flurry of activity began then, ending with Azula and Katara ushered into the second palanquin, following Ursa's retinue up the long, steep road to the caldera where the palace was.

“I hate this part,” sighed Katara, perching on the pillows as if they burned. “I'd rather walk. I'm just too much the simple village girl for this.”

Azula kept quiet. Though everything was so strange and new, she had to admit this part didn't bother her.

 

*

 

In the grand foyer of the palace, an elderly man met the procession. “Chamberlain Yun,” said Ursa by way of greeting.

He bowed to her. “Lady Ursa.” Then he bowed to the two younger women in turn. “Princess Azula. Master Katara. Princess, it is a joy to see you home and with improved health. The Fire Lord requests your presence in his throne room.”

His _throne room!_  said a voice from far in the back of Azula's mind, throwing her off just the tiniest bit. No one seemed to notice.

As they approached the great double doors, her heart inexplicably began to beat like a train picking up momentum. Katara and the chamberlain stepped aside so that she could follow Ursa in. Inside, her throat went dry, too dry for it to just be the heat from the wall of fire burning on the other end of the room. She willed her hands not to tremble. Wildly she searched her mind for a reason for feeling this way, but everything was happening so fast that she couldn't focus enough to dredge up the memory. Her attention narrowed, centered on the silhouette behind the wall of flame burning orange and yellow in front of her.

So intent was Azula that she didn't notice right away that other people were also waiting there, until Katara gave a cry and sped up.

“Aang!”

Suddenly she saw; a young man in a robe and shawl that matched the flames, holding a staff, which he set aside to open his arms to Katara. They embraced, and as he brushed her lips with his own, Azula got a better look at the strange mark that started on his forehead and ran over his scalp and down his neck.

It was an arrow. 

Azula staggered back, her chest feeling too tight for her to breathe. Images flooded her mind: a chase among green-roofed buildings, thick shed fur on a forest floor, a towering wall, a huge machine bearing down on it, spinning and grinding, a cavern sparkling with green crystals and rushing water, lightning zinging from her fingers to strike down a bald boy with glowing eyes...

A boy, now a man, who was looking at her strangely. The Avatar.

And above them on the dais the seated figure stood, the flames dying down before him. Now instead of obscuring his features the light illuminated them: chin length hair half pulled up into a knot that was crowned with a five-pronged flame, a strong jaw that ended in a pointy chin much like her own, two gold eyes, one partially closed by the thick, knotted flesh that circled it and ran up into his hairline.

The Fire Lord.

Zuko.

Now she had a face to put with the name, but it was all wrong. Inside her someone was screaming _Nonononono_ , and someone else was panicking, and she couldn't tell which one was really her. Waves of intense heat followed by sudden chills overpowered her, and her body refused to respond to her commands. Her vision blurred, then went black.

 

*

 

She woke up to a cool cloth on her forehead and Katara's water-covered hands at her temples. As she blinked, her vision cleared, and she saw that she was in bed, under a crimson canopy. She tried to sit up. 

“No, no.” Katara soothed her back down. “You have a fever. Doesn't seem too bad, but you need to rest. It seems to be stemming from some conflict deep inside you.”

“How long was I out?” she asked.

“Most of the day. It's past sunset now. Do you want something to drink?”

Azula shook her head and Katara nodded. “All right. Get some rest then, I'll check on you after a while. Your mother has been asking after you, do you want her to visit?”

“If she wants.” Just as Katara was about to leave, she said, “What about my brother? Does he still want to see me?”

Katara turned back, framed by the doorway, but she did not look up to meet Azula's gaze. “He didn't say.” Then she closed the door.


	7. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 6: Dinner with the Family

The next time Azula woke, she rolled over to see Ursa seated by the wall, shadows playing on the planes of her face. A single candle burned on a table next to her, beside a pitcher and a cup.

Azula's dizziness had subsided and she was no longer wracked by chills. She sat up and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. Warm, but not burning. 

“I'm sorry if I'm intruding,” Ursa said.

“You're fine.” Azula swallowed with difficulty. “Can I have some water?”

Ursa stood and poured some water into the cup, brought it to her and watched as she drank “Feeling better?” she asked when Azula handed it back.

“A bit. Could you open the window?”

Her mother went to the window, her robes swishing thick and red as she moved, and pushed aside the heavy curtains. The newly risen moon hung in the sky, a thick crescent. In its light she felt a little calmer.

“Have you been here long?” she asked.

“I've been in and out since this morning, along with Katara.”

Azula blinked in confusion. “This morning..what?”

“You've been in bed since yesterday afternoon, and it's now almost sunset. I was actually about to join the others for dinner. Are you hungry? I can have some food brought to you.”

“No,” She slid out bed and stood on shaky feet. “I'd like to come eat with you.”

“Are you sure?” Ursa asked.

“Yes,” Azula snapped, then said more gently, “I feel better, really.”

“All right.” Ursa hesitated, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her daughter. “I'm so glad to have you home.”

Azula put her arms around her mother's waist and rested her head on Ursa's shoulder. Maybe if she kept playing the part, the feelings would come.

Ursa let go first, smiling. “I'll send someone in to help you with your clothes and hair, and I'll see you at dinner.” The scent of her honey soap and orchid perfume lingered in the air where she had stood long after she closed the door behind her. 

A few minutes later, a girl knocked and asked permission to enter, which Azula granted. She caught the widening of the servant's brown eyes before she hung her head and bowed, then hurried over to the wardrobe to pick out another outfit. Some confusion followed as Azula's old robes had not been altered since her youth and were all much too short. A seamstress was summoned, and hurriedly she let out the hem of one, the maid hovering in the background all the while looking terrified, though of what, Azula didn't know. Once she was dressed, the maid started on her hair, but had to redo the topknot three times because she was so hesitant about touching it that she didn't pull it tight enough.

Halfway through, Katara knocked on the door. “Azula? Everything all right?”

Barely suppressing her irritation at the whole thing, Azula answered. “Yes, we're almost done. Come in.”

Katara did so, but only took a step or two into the room before coming to a halt. The servant finished and stepped aside, and Azula rose, then frowned at Katara's look of surprise. “What is it?”

“Nothing, it's nothing.” She didn't sound very convincing. “Ready to go?”

Azula nodded, then spotted movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see a huge floor to ceiling mirror at the other end of her room. Katara's reflection stood there with hands clasped, dressed in a silk robe dyed a light shade of blue with a darker hued belt, her hair done in the traditional Fire Nation topknot except for her customary loops and the ever-present necklace. The woman next to her in the too-short red silk robe was not tall or broad, but something about the way she held her head was imposing all the same. The hair tended to draw the eye, but if one ignored that part, then it was unmistakable. 

She looked just like Ursa. 

“Azula?” 

She turned to Katara and forced a smile. “Let's go. I'm ready.”

As they walked, part of her gaped at the huge corridors with their red walls, silent guards in masks and helmets, and rows of torches, feeling out of place and foreign, The other half of her felt in her element, right where she belonged, and the two sides dueled within her. 

She glanced at the other woman then, with her odd mishmash of foreign and native styles, noting how comfortable she seemed. “So...I thought Aang was going to meet you at your village.”

Katara lit up at the mention of Aang. “He decided to surprise me.” 

“This means you have to leave, doesn't it?”

The grin disappeared and Katara replied softly, “I've been away a long time, much longer than I planned. I need to go home.” 

They reached the door to the dining room. Inside, Ursa, Aang and a woman wearing a gold flame hairpiece in her shiny hair were already seated at one end of a long table. Azula recalled that there had been another woman in the throne room but her face had been hidden by shadows. This must be her. Azula's insides felt like they were tying into knots, but she couldn't figure out why or remember the woman's name.

“Where's Zuko?” she blurted out.

The woman with the gold flame raised an eyebrow. “He's in a meeting. He'll eat later. Wasn't it the same for your father?”

Ursa cleared her throat, Katara winced, and Aang looked back and forth between the woman with the flame crown and Azula as if anticipating a violent reaction. But Azula was preoccupied with another flash of memory--herself as a child sitting at a long empty table with her brother and mother, alone at dinner again. 

But before she could say anything, Katara spoke up. “Azula has amnesia. She doesn't remember her father.”

Azula turned on her. “That's the second time you've done that. I would like to speak for myself if you don't mind.”

The entire table went dead silent. Katara and Ursa wore mirrored looks of surprise and bewilderment, Aang watched her warily, and though the unknown woman's face was placid, there was something in her eyes that Azula didn't like. It seemed almost smug.

She put on her sweetest smile and took the seat next to her mother. “Forgive me. That came out harsher than I intended. I'm looking forward to dinner. What are we having?” 

“Komodo chicken stir-fried with chili peppers,” Ursa told her.

“Sounds wonderful.” A maid came in and poured her tea. Azula busied herself with sipping it.

“I received a message from Ty Lee,” said the woman with the crown, still looking her way.

Though Azula didn't recognize the name, another inexplicable twist deep inside her made her feel nauseated. She forced herself to take another swallow of tea while her mother replied, “Oh? How is she?”

At Ursa's voice, the woman softened a bit. “She's doing well. I told her that Azula had been released from the hospital, but I didn't say why, or where she went.” Addressing Azula again, she said, “She wants to see you.”

Katara glanced at Azula, then said, “I don't know if that's such a good idea.”

“Why not?” she asked. That subtle smug look was back. “Ty Lee could help her get her memory back. Isn't that what we want? To make Azula all better?”

“Mai, please,” Ursa pleaded. 

So that was her name. Hearing it made Azula angry, like her mind was associating it with something painful—but when she tried to seize upon what, the knowledge danced away from her conscious mind. She kept a straight face; she would not allow Mai to provoke her.

At Ursa's words, Mai's gaze left Azula and focused briefly on her before dropping. “I'm sorry, Ursa.” She sounded and looked genuinely contrite. It seemed out of place on her, like emotion was something she was not used to showing.

Azula straightened, grinned broadly at all of them, especially Mai, and touched her mother's hand. “I would be happy to see her.” 

Ursa showered her with a grateful smile, but Katara looked troubled. “Are you sure?” she asked.

“My memories have to come back sometime.”  _ And maybe my bending with it. _

Further conversation was halted by the arrival of the food. As servants laid out silver platters of chicken and greens and china bowls of rice, Ursa turned to Katara and Aang and asked. “When are you two leaving?”

It was Aang who answered, “Tomorrow. We need to get back to the South Pole.”

Katara had already said she was leaving, but that soon? Mai's dagger-looks and the Avatar's guarded curiosity no longer were a challenge to rise to; now they were more like a weight around her neck. She just wanted to go to bed. 

Azula ate in silence as the others shared small talk around her. Towards the end of the meal she noticed that her mother was becoming more pale and withdrawn. When Ursa's eyes started drooping, Katara touched her shoulder. “Why don't you go to bed, Lady Ursa?”

“It's still early yet,” she protested weakly. 

“We'll see you in the morning,” said Mai, her gentle tone rubbing Azula the wrong way.

“I'd like to come with you,” Katara murmured. “If that's okay.”

Ursa nodded and they all stood. She hugged Aang, who returned it with genuine affection, then Mai, whose expression changed from calm to worried and loving before changing back again as she released her and turned to Azula. This time Azula returned her embrace, meeting Mai's gaze again as she let go. Suspicion burned slow like embers deep within the Fire Lady's pale gold eyes. Suspicion and anger.  _ If you hurt my loved ones, _ those eyes said,  _ I will kill you.  _

Whatever Azula had done to piss Mai off, it must have been bad.

She turned from the Fire Lady only to see Katara in Aang's arms, running her fingers over his arrow, soft smiles on both their faces.  _ Awww _ , said some part of her, and the rest of her retaliated with fury.  _ No! Not 'awww'! He's taking her away! And then I'll be alone! _

Oblivious to her daughter's secret anguish, Ursa was beaming. “It is so nice to have everyone here. Good night, I'll see you all at breakfast.” She left to a chorus of “good nights”, Katara following close behind.

Azula continued to play nice as dessert was served but two bites into her fruit tart she just couldn't muster up the energy to pretend anymore. “I think I'm ready for bed.”

“Good night,” Mai said, clipped and cool. Aang just nodded, but she could feel his eyes on her as she walked out of the room. 

A few steps down the corridor, she heard another male voice coming from the dining room. “Sorry I'm late. Where are Mom and Katara?” That must be Zuko. 

Mai replied, “Ursa wasn't feeling well, so Katara took her back to her room.” Her next words made Azula halt abruptly. “Your sister was here. I'm sure you're sorry you missed her.”

“Oh yeah,” said her brother. “Really sorry.” Laughter followed this statement. Cheeks burning, Azula moved away at a fast pace.

Before reaching her room, she spotted a door open a crack from which Katara's voice drifted out. She stopped to listen without even thinking about it, like it was something she had done on a regular basis for years.

“Ursa, will you please let me check you? You were sick when I left and it doesn't seem like you've gotten any better since.”

“It's just age catching up to me, Katara. Minor colds and fevers hit me harder than they would someone younger. My own physician has checked me and he's told me as much.”

“But...”

“You've done too much for me already. I want you to go home with Aang and enjoy being young and in love. Promise?”

Katara chuckled, and Azula saw a flash of blue as she took a seat on the divan in Ursa's sitting room. “Okay.” The chuckle died, followed by a darkly serious tone. “I am worried about Azula. Mai's still harboring a grudge over her prison time, Zuko doesn't want anything to do with her, and all the servants keep whispering about her. Something about curses and death-touched and all sorts of superstitious stuff.”

Ursa sounded dismissive. “I'll deal with the rumors and the superstitions after I've had the chance to be with both of my children for the first time in over a decade. As for Zuko and Azula, most of their issues stem from their father's influence.” She nearly spat the last three words. “With him not around, I have a chance to repair the divide between them. She is my daughter as much as he is my son. I can reach them and bring them together if I am given the chance to try.”

In the silence that followed Azula decided that she had better go before she got caught snooping like some child, but just as she was about to move Katara said, “I don't know how much of Azula is still there anymore.”

The words were spoken without hyperbole or volume, but they struck Azula with terror all the same. 

In her room her bed called to her, but she didn't go to it right away. Instead she picked up a painting that sat on a writing desk in the corner. In it, four people posed with folded hands and solemn expressions, the children kneeling at their parents' feet. This painter had managed to capture a gentle motherly look on Ursa's face with simple brush strokes, and Zuko, who appeared to be about nine, had an earnest, determined energy about him. However, it was the man seated beside Ursa who drew the eye, with a strong set jaw, a balled fist and a fierce glare that almost seemed alive. That must be her father.

And at his feet, the young girl copied his look. 

Azula walked back out to the hallway and stared at her reflection in the huge mirror, then back to the family portrait. Where was that girl? Was she still there? 

_ Do I want to find her? _

When she looked up again it seemed like the girl in the mirror changed, the gold eyes becoming rounder and more blue, the pointed jaw softening. 

But maybe she was imagining it.


	8. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 7: The Real Azula

Azula woke to warmth on her cheek, and she squinted at the narrow strip of light breaking through the curtains and painting a bright line on her body. She forced herself out of bed, stumbled over to the window and threw the curtains open. The sunlight on her face chased away the fog in her mind. It was strange, how different it was from the moonlight. Though both had the effect of waking her up, the moon made her feel mellow and calm, while the sun's rays stirred up her chi. For the first time since waking up in the Oasis water, she felt like...

“The real me,” she said aloud. Not that she had any idea who the real her was, but still, it was like her brain was less foggy.

Maybe that meant... Azula tried to bend some flame. Her hand didn't even warm up a little. 

She threw on a robe and stomped over to the mirror. The glaring reminder of what had happened to her surrounded her face and covered her shoulders. That hair. That damned hair. There must be a pair of scissors nearby, she could just cut it all off. Maybe that would fix everything.

A memory came to her then, sudden and vivid, of standing in front of a mirror very much like this one, thinking the very same thing. But her hair had been dark then, and she had been all alone in the palace...except for her mother. Ursa had been with her. But she couldn't have been there, because she was...

Azula's stomach clenched with nausea and she clutched her forehead where it had begun to throb.  _ Calm down,  _ she told herself. After a moment of focusing on her breathing, in and out, in and out, she dared to look up at the mirror. Away from windows and the sun's light she was beginning to feel weak and exhausted again. 

“If only I could remember,” she whispered to her reflection. “If only I could get some answers about what happened to me.”

As she watched in growing terror, the image in the mirror blurred and changed. A woman all in white faced her, hair the same color spilling over her shoulders and down her back except for two loops on the top of her head. She looked wan and faint, almost greyish around the edges, and there were bags under her eyes. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

“Didn't know what?” Azula cried. “What are you talking about?”

“Bonding with an adult is nothing like bonding with a baby,” the woman continued to murmur as if Azula hadn't spoken. “Adults have their personalities already developed, their sense of identity locked into place...I didn't realize just how difficult that would make things...”

“Start making sense, damn it!”

“You and I agreed to a bargain, Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. I promised to help free you, and to do that I have bonded with you. But the bond is incomplete. Your spirit has put up blocks to keep me out. That is why you cannot access your memories or your bending.” 

“You...you're Yue. You're the moon spirit Katara told me about.”

“Yes.” Her gaze turned pleading. “Please stop fighting me. Please let me in all the way. I can't help you like this and both of us suffer for it.”

“I have a better idea,” she snarled. “Get out of my body. You've met the terms of your bargain. I'm free. Go away.”

“No, Azula,” Yue whispered. “You're as trapped as you've always been.”

Azula turned away, fighting the urge to break the mirror. When she glanced back, her own face looked back at her once more. 

She rang for a maid, and the girl from yesterday showed up. She was less hesitant than before, but Azula was no less irritated and snapped at her to hurry up a couple of times. Once dressed and coiffed, Azula sought out her mother. She had to ask a couple of servants, but finally one pointed her in the direction of the gardens. 

It seemed a familiar place, warm and welcoming. Adjoining it was a villa, small compared to the palace but luxurious by any other standard. In the center was a pond where turtleducks padded back and forth, and by it stood a pine tree under which her mother sat, holding out breadcrumbs in her delicate hands.

Ursa lifted her head and smiled, and abrupt rage filled Azula almost to overflowing. This was all  _ her _ fault. The meddling  _ bitch_. 

Her mother's smile suddenly dropped, replaced by a worried frown. “Azula?”

_ No tantrums,  _ Azula told herself.  _ Right now I have very little power or influence. I have to stay calm and be on the lookout for a way to change that. _ Taking a deep breath, she forced her anger down, and smiled. “Hello, Mother.”

“How did you sleep?” Ursa asked her as she took a seat under the tree's shadow. The air was warm though it was still early spring, and sweat beaded on Azula's neck.

“Well, I suppose. It seems very late, though. Have I missed breakfast?”

“I'm afraid so. Are you hungry? I can send for something.”

“Maybe later,” Azula replied. The pleasant small talk was beginning to grate on her. “Has Katara left?”

“She and Aang departed early this morning.”

_Good_ , Azula thought, pushing aside a twinge of sadness. _Who needs her?_ “What about Zuko?”

Ursa brushed the remaining crumbs off her hands. “A diplomat from the western Earth Kingdom arrived not long ago, so he and Mai will be occupied much of the day. It's just you and me. What would you like to do? Oh, I know,” she continued before Azula could answer. “You could use some new outfits. I could summon some cloth merchants and a tailor.”

Azula wanted to say no out of sheer spite, but that would get her nowhere. Besides, the more time she spent with her mother, the more she could learn about Zuko and what had been going on these past six years. “That sounds lovely.”

So that's how they ended up in a parlor, with Azula seated on a cushioned platform while one groveling man after another presented bolts of fabric in various patterns and textures. Some weren't even red. She ended up letting her mother make most of the decisions, more concerned with the odd looks the merchants would shoot her out of the corners of their eyes. Nor did she fail to notice that the tailor was very careful to avoid touching her hair as he took her measurements. The effort of trying to stay awake was wearing her down. When Ursa said, “How about lunch?” Azula could barely do more than nod.

Once they were settled in Ursa's sitting room and the request for food sent to the kitchen, Azula started talking to avoid falling asleep. “Everyone seems to like you.”

“You mean Aang and Katara?”

“And Mai.”

“Ah.” Ursa smiled. “I've always liked Mai, ever since you became friends with her when you two were young. She balances out your brother and helps him maintain perspective, and that's not just good for their relationship but for the country as a whole. Aang is easy to get along with; he's sweet and compassionate. Katara was the hardest to get to know. I believe she had a difficult time accepting me because my presence reminded her that her own mother was never coming back. But one day we had a talk, and it got better after that.” 

She began coughing suddenly. “Pardon,” she rasped when the coughs subsided. “I don't mean to talk so much, and I don't want to overload you with too much information since you still have amnesia. It's just that I never thought this would happen, us two sitting together like this, just talking.”

“Don't worry about me. I'm enjoying myself.” Azula hoped her lie sounded convincing. “I am wondering something, though. Is Zuko avoiding me?”

Ursa's eyes widened in surprise. “I don't think so. Why do you ask?”

“Except for when Katara and I first arrived, he hasn't asked to see me. It just seems strange.”

“He is very busy, Azula. Even when there is peace, a Fire Lord has many demands on his time. Also, we all figured you needed your rest after what you've been through.” 

_ Convenient,  _ thought Azula cynically, but she let it go. 

At that moment the food arrived, so she had to wait until the servants had served them and departed before she could speak again. “I understand that you don't want to throw too much at me at once, but one thing has been really bugging me. Could you tell me what happened to my father? If Zuko is Fire Lord, does that mean he's dead?”

“No, he's not dead.” Ursa picked up her tea, sipped it and set it down. “I knew this would come up, but I hoped it wouldn't be for a while. Still, you're going to find out sooner or later, so I might as well tell you.” She took a deep breath. “When your father was Fire Lord, our nation was waging a war against the other nations. A comet named after your great-grandfather Sozin was coming and he intended to use its power to burn the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground. Aang stopped him by taking his bending away.”

_ Like Yue did to me, _ Azula thought.

“Anyway,” Ursa continued, “since only a firebender can sit on the Dragon Throne, your father was no longer eligible to rule, so Zuko was able to take his place. His rule hasn't gone completely uncontested, but he's managed to gain enough support that things are relatively stable.” She smiled a little. “I might have had something to do with that. Despite my exile, I managed to maintain some connections.”

Azula was too preoccupied with the new information about her father to register what her mother had said about 'exile'. “So was Father banished?”

“No,” said Ursa, her curt tone clearly indicating that she didn't want to talk about this anymore. 

“Mother, I understand this is difficult, and I don't want to stir up trouble. It's just been so hard, not remembering anything. Everything is so confusing.” She didn't have much difficulty sounding sincere since the last part was true.

Ursa fiddled with her cup in silent debate, then said, “Ozai's at the prison at the base of the caldera, away from the city, past the factories. But, please don't go see him. He will use you to try to get out of prison. All he's ever done with people is use them, especially those who love him.”

Neither spoke for the rest of the meal. At the end, Azula excused herself with, “I think I'm going to go for a walk.”

“I'm going to take a nap and then get ready for dinner,” Ursa replied. “Zuko is holding a small banquet in the diplomat's honor. Maybe afterward you can find a chance to talk to him.” She rose and enfolded Azula in a hug. “I love you.” Again the smell of honey and orchids filled Azula's nose. She almost let her anger go then, almost sank into the sweet relief of being in her mother's arms, safe under the loving gaze of her blue eyes...

_ no, amber, my mother's eyes are amber... _

When Ursa drew back, those amber eyes were puffy and bloodshot, with dark circles underneath. Had they been like that the whole time? Azula briefly considered mentioning it, but opted for “I love you, too.” The words echoed hollow in her ears.

As Azula left her mother's suite, she realized she never asked where Ursa spent her years in exile. Truth was, she just didn't care that much.


	9. Part 1: Waning Moon; Chapter 8: The Darkest Night

Instead of taking a walk, she ended up back in her room where she fell asleep despite her intentions to the contrary. The sun had already set when she woke up, but she pulled herself together, had her maid help her put on the nicest of her old outfits and joined the group in the huge, formal banquet room just as the first course was being served. 

The Earth Kingdom diplomat got the honored seat on Zuko's right, and Ursa because of her seniority was seated at his other side. Mai got the seat next to the diplomat, and Azula sat next to Ursa. The rest of the places were filled with various members of the diplomat's retinue and a few Fire Nation nobles whose names Azula might remember if she tried to, but she didn't feel like putting forth the effort. The conversation mostly concerned boring trade talks and land disputes, plus a few asinine anecdotes from the diplomat, a preening old moron with a sizable gut. Azula ate quietly, ignoring and being ignored by everyone save her mother and the diplomat. When she caught him staring, she gave him an uncomfortable smile; he met it with a lecherous glance that made her ill. He didn't seem to be bothered by her hair, though she wished he were.

After several more courses, he, Zuko and the other gentlemen left for the Fire Lord's formal parlor—as opposed to his private sitting room or his study—for more tea, dessert, and endless talking. Azula felt a tiny bit of glee at seeing the drawn, resigned look on Zuko's face. 

Mai took the ladies to her own parlor for tea, not extending an invitation. Though the snub stung, it was overshadowed by Azula's relief that she wouldn't have to deal with more of Mai's snark. Ursa also bid her good night, claiming a stomach ache, but promised that they would go to the tailor in the morning and see how her new outfits were coming along. Once again Azula found herself alone and aimless. _ Is this what my life is going to be like?  _ she asked herself. _ Idly waiting for the next banquet, spending money on clothes and looking pretty for my brother's guests? _

_ I'd rather kill myself.  _

For the second time that day she made her way outside to the cool air of the gardens and the soothing silence of the turtleduck pond. The animals were sleeping in their little nests on the other side; she let them be. Kneeling on the stone edge, she stared down at her reflection in the water. Framing her face was the masses of white hair, clear and bright in an otherwise dark pool, save for the sliver of moon reflected to the right of her head. She leaned closer, both curious and afraid that Yue would show her face again.

“Azula?”

She shot up, startled. Zuko stood a few paces away, his crown dull and his scar gray in the dim light. “You wanted to see me?”

She lifted her chin. “That's not entirely accurate, but I did wonder if you wanted to see me, or if you were going to spend the next few decades pretending I didn't exist.”

Zuko sighed. “Give me a break, Azula. You've been home less than three days and you spent most of that time in bed sick. The diplomat's visit was planned weeks ago.”

Getting to her feet, she brushed herself off, checking the back of her robes and her slippers for dirt. Satisfied that there was none, she drew herself to her full height, mustering all her dignity. But she found herself at a loss for words, which infuriated her.

“So how are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like a sideshow exhibit in a circus.”

Zuko;s lips twitched as if he was trying not to smile. “It isn't that bad. You look...kinda pretty.”

Part of her actually softened at the compliment, which appalled the rest of her. “Pretty freakish, you mean. I know people are talking about me.”

“Maybe a little,” he allowed. “Bothers you, huh? No longer being perfect? People staring at you and whispering because of something you had no control over?”

She glared at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, right. You don't remember how I got this.” He pointed at his scar. She didn't remember up until that point, but his mention of it dragged up a brief flash of memory. A tall man towered over a boy just beginning to show the first signs of manhood, their resemblance unmistakable. The man lifted his fist, a burst of flame erupted from his knuckles and the boy screamed...

Zuko was still speaking. “I had no idea what the Water Tribe Oasis was going to do to you,” he said, “but I do know that if I hadn't let Katara take you there, you would have died.” 

“Because Mother wanted you to save me,” she retorted.

“Despite what you may think, Azula, it's not just about Mom. You're my sister. I wouldn't let you die alone in a hospital, no matter what happened between us.”

Azula turned away, hugging herself, but Zuko wasn't finished. “The point is, what's done is done and we can't take it back. We better work with it and figure out what to do next."

"What do we do next, Zuko?" she snapped. "Marry me off to some favored governor or general of yours? Someone who will keep me home and force me to bear a gaggle of babies that will always be below whatever brat Mai finally pops out for you?"

"Azula, I don't give a shit if you ever get married. But let me make one thing clear." He stepped closer to her then, the shadows on his face emphasizing his threatening look. "If you do one thing to fuck with the peace Aang and I have built together, one single thing, I will put you in the deepest cell I can find and forget about you."

_ Like you did with Father,  _ she said silently as he pivoted and strode away. A chill breeze picked up and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

 

*

 

Azula slept late the next day, waking up briefly at noon, eating a small meal, then drifting off again. Her dreams were filled with an odd montage of disjointed scenes; sitting on the dais in the throne room giving commands, swimming in endless circles, screaming at blurry faces that could be Katara, her mother or someone else, standing at an bridge of ice staring up at the moon, kissing someone whose face couldn't quite be seen, watching a laughing girl with color changing eyes rise up out of a vast ocean...

When she dragged herself to her mother's rooms for dinner, Ursa said, "Katara told me to expect that you would sleep a lot as the moon waned, but I didn't realize it would be this much."

"Oh?" Azula kept her voice neutral.

"She said that according to the healers at the North Pole, Princess Yue—that's Chief Arnook's departed daughter—her sleep was affected by the cycles of the moon and that yours might be as well."

Azula tucked this bit of information away as Ursa continued, "Anyway, we got a reply this morning from Ty Lee. She's leaving the Earth Kingdom on the next ship out and should be here the day after tomorrow."

An image surfaced in Azula's mind of a frightened girl in stained pink clothes being thrown into a cell, her gray eyes pleading for mercy. 

_ Well, that reunion will be fun. _

After she finished eating and went back to her room, she almost fell back into bed, but willed herself to stay awake. She was not going to let this stupid spirit magic run her life. Summoning her maid, she demanded an almanac, a cold bath, and the strongest tea in the palace. 

As the bathtub in the spa was filling up, Azula sipped her tea and flipped through the almanac. Tonight was the new moon. She tapped her lips in thought. So the moon influenced her sleep patterns. That probably meant that Yue's influence on her was tied to the moon's cycle, which explained why Azula managed to feel more in control of herself when it was waning. She thought of the Water Tribe peasant then, how she had felt in his presence two weeks prior, and she grimaced. 

When the moon started to wax again, would she turn back into that simpering moron? She really hoped not. 

Her eyes fell on the candle on the table. Its little flame danced on the wick as if taunting her. Just then her mind filled with brief but potent flashes of memory in which blue flame danced in her palms, igniting everything it touched. Grief hit her like a blow to the stomach. 

Draining the tea, she stood, went over to the huge tub and submerged herself completely in the cool water. Briefly she considered just staying there, letting the damned liquid enter her lungs and end this useless charade of a life. Then she surfaced again. Whether because of the moon spirit's remaining influence, or her own damned stubbornness, she couldn't do it.

She dragged herself out of the bath, shivering a little, trudged back to her room, found her darkest clothes and cloak and put them on. Digging through her wardrobe, she found a bag of money and headed out. Slipping out of the palace was easier than she expected; she simply walked past the guards into the gardens, then through the adjoining building and out to the streets without anyone spotting her or trying to stop her. Really, was Zuko that dumb? She'd at least expect Mai to want her watched.

Perhaps they honestly didn't see her as that much of a threat. She didn't know whether to be grateful or insulted.

She made it all the way down to the prison on foot, fighting exhaustion the whole time. To one of the guards she said, "Tell no one of my visit, and I'll double this." She dropped the bag into his hand; the coins clinked and he nodded with a greedy smile. 

Azula walked through the corridors of the prison, pulling her cloak tight and her hood down, peering into each cell briefly before moving onto the next. Finally, at the end of one, she found a room with a cage inside it. A man huddled in the back corner of the cage, pressed against the bars, limp hair hiding his face. But she knew him.

"Father."

At the sound the man peered up, squinting at the light pouring in from the torches in the hall. "Who disturbs me in my hell?"

"Don't be melodramatic," she said, kneeling on the stone floor, wincing at the dirt. "Can't you tell?"

"Azula?" Ozai crawled forward until his face was a few hand-breadths away from hers, and his tone became caustic. "I heard you'd been hidden away in some secret hospital after the Avatar's Water trash girlfriend defeated you and you lost your mind."

"That's all in the past."

"The past is all I have," he rasped, settling back on his heels. Under his stare she forced herself to stay calm, keeping her hands relaxed on her thighs. After a moment of this he spoke again. "So how did you get out? Decide to become another loyal puppet of the Avatar like your brother?"

"I am no one's puppet!" she snarled.

He chuckled. "Push back your hood."

He could see it. She didn't hide it well enough. Bending her head in shame, Azula did so, and Ozai erupted into laughter. Her cheeks burned.

"So how did that happen?" he choked out. "Let me guess, more of your mother's meddling? Have you gone and joined the Water Tribes now?"

Azula turned away, tears stinging her eyes, but he didn't stop. "Are you playing the pretty princess for your brother? I imagine he's already selling you off to the highest bidder." He retreated back into the darkness of his cell. "Go away. You're no daughter of mine."

She wanted to defend herself, to convince him that she was still the same Azula, but her wit failed her. Maybe it was gone for good. 

Maybe he was right and she wasn't his daughter anymore. 

Leaving the cell, she heard him start laughing again. She broke into a run, fleeing the prison, but the sound of his laughter echoed in her ears the whole way back up to the palace.


	10. Part 2: Waxing Moon; Chapter 9: In Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only submitted Part 1 to the big bang, as it was long enough by itself to qualify. So this and subsequent chapters are being published for the first time. Enjoy!

_ The oasis water was cold. In all her time here it's never been cold. And she's alone. She's never been alone. Where's her sister? _

_...sister i don't have a sister i have a... _

_ The man stood over her, the light painting his skin the color of blood. His fists burned but were not consumed. She cowered in his shadow but dared to peer up at his face. _

_ Ozai cackled at her before lifting his flaming fist to deal the final blow... _

  
  


"Sweetheart, wake up."

Azula struggled to open her eyes, to shake off the last shackles of the nightmare and surface into consciousness. When her vision focused, it was Ursa's warm, concerned face that came into view.

"Mother?"

"You've been asleep since the night before last. How do you feel?"

"Like shit," she groaned, then shot a glance at her mother to see her reaction. 

Ursa just looked concerned. "Ty Lee is here. Do you want me to have her come back later?"

"No, I'll see her." 

"All right, if you feel up to it. You can wear one of your new outfits, if you like." 

The wine-red robe she picked was much more feminine than her old ones and she wasn't sure how she felt about the dark purple trim, but it was comfortable enough. Ursa walked with her to the gardens, where a figure sat on the fountain rim. "I'll leave you here," she said, "but call me if you need me," She kissed Azula on the cheek and went back inside. 

The visitor wore a tight green tunic with a high neck, pants in a darker shade that ended just below the knee, and black slippers. Her hair was wound into a bun high on her head, and the face had lost all traces of childhood roundness. Yet her gray eyes were the same, first widening in surprise as Azula approached, then softening. She bowed low at the waist with her fist under her palm.

"I'm surprised you're not doing handstands," Azula said.

Ty Lee brightened. "You do remember me!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Azula's neck. 

"I remember you spending a lot of time upside down, but not much more than that." Besides the memory of throwing her into prison. How odd that Ty Lee didn't seem to be harboring a grudge, unlike Mai...

"I don't do that so much any more." Ty Lee stood still for a moment, taking her in. "Your hair really isn't so bad."

"I'm glad you think so." Azula sighed and took a seat. "It's less than popular around here."

"People just need time to get used to it." But Ty Lee was still studying her as she sat down beside her. "Do you feel different?"

Azula gave a short, bitter laugh. "Depends on the day." 

"Your aura is different,” Ty Lee said. “It's not as bright, and there are silvery streaks in it.”

"What does that mean?”

“I'm not sure.”

They fell silent for a minute, Azula with her hands in her lap, Ty Lee drawing circles on the ground with her toe. "So," Azula finally said, "what have you been up to?"

"Well, after you went away..." She stumbled over the last couple of words, blushing a little, "I made friends with the Kyoshi Warriors that we threw into prison—they forgave me for that battle we had against them when I explained that I was just doing what you told me to do." Azula's eyebrows went up and Ty Lee reddened. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I don't remember fighting them. There are still a lot of holes in my memory."

"Right. Well...I taught them my techniques and they taught me how to use the fan and katana. But after a few years I got kinda tired of wearing a uniform and looking the same as everyone else, so I left. Then me and Toph traveled around together for a while." At Azula's blank look she said, "That's Aang's earthbending teacher. You know, the Avatar."

"I know who Aang is," Azula said softly.

"Oh, good, you remember that. Where was I? Oh yes...so then I found this village with this wonderful fortuneteller named Aunt Wu and I studied with her for a couple of years. She taught me more about my gift for seeing auras and how to see the future through divination. Then I went to Ba Sing Se and opened a spirituality center. I teach people how to defend themselves both physically and spiritually, and I help them with their problems."

Azula gazed down at the ground. "You sound happy."

"I am happy." Ty Lee inched closer. "What about you?"

What she should have done is lied. That's what the old Azula would have done. She opened her mouth to do just that, but instead what came out was, "I'm miserable. I hate it here. I hate this hair. I hate my life." And she began to cry.

Ty Lee drew her into her arms and let Azula sob into her shoulder, gently stroking her hair. When Azula finally pulled back and wiped her eyes, she said, "I know. Why don't we go to the beach?"

"Isn't it a little cold for the beach?"

She laughed. "I'm used to the Earth Kingdom. It gets way colder there. But we don't have to go swimming. We can just hang out, maybe take in a play. This time of year Ember Island is practically deserted, so you don't have to feel self-conscious."

"That...actually sounds nice."

Ty Lee grabbed Azula's hand and jumped up, pulling her onto her feet. "Come on. Let's go find Zuko and make him get us an airship."

_ Make him?  _ Azula couldn't help smiling at that.

She nearly had to run to keep up with Ty Lee as the other woman tripped along the halls, going right past the throne room and toward Zuko's private study as if she had no doubt where he would be. Though her memories were still fuzzy, Azula didn't recall her friend being so comfortable before, or given this much leeway to run around. Ty Lee didn't even bother with knocking, just stuck her head in the door. "Hi!"

"Uh, hi, Ty Lee." came Zuko's startled voice from within.

"You couldn't knock first?" Mai's voice, dry as usual. "We could be having sex in here, you know." 

Ty Lee giggled. "Yeah right. Only if 'having sex' stands for 'reading boring reports'."

"She's onto us," Mai deadpanned. 

But Zuko didn't sound amused. "Where's Azula?"

"She's here," Ty Lee replied, pushing the door open wider with one hand while the other tugged Azula into their view. Zuko sat at his low desk, Mai stood nearby, both dressed in their usual royal outfits. When they saw her, the warm light in their faces faded, replaced by neutral, almost stony expressions.

_ My brother's become a clone of Mai,  _ Azula thought with an internal smirk, but deep inside her an small voice whispered,  _ They're a team, they really love each other, it would be nice to have a love like that... _

"Well?" Mai raised an eyebrow. "Spit it out. What do you want?"

Azula bristled, but Ty Lee remained cheerful. "An airship to Ember Island."

"Isn't it a little cold to go to the beach?" Zuko asked.

Ty Lee gave an exasperated sigh. "Right. That means it won't be crowded."

Mai and Zuko exchanged understanding glances. "All right," he said with a shrug, returning his gaze to the scrolls. "Go let Chamberlain Yun know and he'll get one ready for you." Mai turned back to the shelves and began looking through them.

"Wait, that's it?" Azula asked. "No catch?"

Zuko looked up again. "No. Why would there be?"

"What are you going to do?" Mai added. "Start a revolution from the beach house? We figure Ty Lee will let us know if you try. Here it is, Zuko." She selected one of the scrolls and handed it to him.

"Thank you." He took it from her and opened it. Noticing that they were still there, he said, "You can go."

Ty Lee ran up and threw her arms around Mai, then bent down and hugged Zuko, who barely had time to react before she was grabbing Azula's arm and taking off again. "Let's go tell Lady Ursa."

A few minutes later, they knocked on the door to Ursa's suite. When no one responded after a minute, Ty Lee knocked again. Still nothing. Azula cracked the door and peered in. 

Her mother had fallen asleep on a cushion by the window in her sitting room. The light of the midday sun showed in detail her overly pale skin, hollow cheeks, and lackluster hair. Azula was about to tell Ty Lee that they should go when Ursa woke with a start, blinking sleepy, red-rimmed eyes at them. "Hello Azula, Ty Lee. Have you been there long?"

"No, Lady Ursa." Ty Lee took a seat next to her, her brows furrowed in concern. "Forgive me for saying this, but you really look ill."

"I do?" Ursa smiled faintly. "I'll call my doctor in the morning. I'm overdue for my acupuncture session and he can give me some more of that tonic of his. Always perks me right up."

"Oh." Ty Lee fidgeted and looked up at Azula, then back to Ursa again. "Maybe we shouldn't go until you're better."

"Go?"

"We were thinking of taking a trip to Ember Island," Azula said.

"Bit early," Ursa said.

"That's sort of the point."

"I understand." She gave Azula a sympathetic look. "I can't imagine how difficult it's been for you since you came home, plus all the illnesses you keep having. I was really worried about you. I think the fresh air and quiet is exactly what you need. I'll be here when you get back."

"I will stay if you need me, Mother."

"Oh no, no no." Ursa interrupted herself by yawning, which she covered with a hand. "Excuse me. I guess I'm still a little tired. Anyway, Zuko and Mai are here, so I'll be fine. Go, have fun. See if "Love Amongst the Dragons" is playing yet at the theater. I love that play..." She trailed off, closing her eyes again.

As they left Ursa's rooms and made their way to Azula's, Ty Lee said, "I don't know. What if she's really ill?"

"I assume they'll send a hawk to the beach house and I'll take the first boat back." At her friend's continued hesitation, Azula stopped, took her hands, and stared right into her eyes. "I am worried about her, really, but I'm no good to her as I am. I'm too messed up inside. I need to get away and not be Princess Azula for a while."

Ty Lee nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

 

*

 

The airship circled the island, giving Azula and Ty Lee an aerial view of expensive homes with jet roofs trimmed in red and gold amidst green trees, surrounded by a pearly ring of beach. Save for a few lone people wandering the market square, Ember Island was deserted. The airship landed on the biggest stretch of sand, and the two women walked around to the less developed side, where a simple but lovely home looked out over the sea.

"Do you recognize this place?" Ty Lee asked her.

"No."

"The building is new, but this is where the old Royal Family vacation house used to be. Zuko had it torn down and built that one in its place."

Azula paused at the foot of a shiny stone staircase that looked like it had been summoned from the very earth itself and gazed at some fallen logs forming a half circle around a shallow depression in the sand. "That looks familiar."

"We spent some time together there, you, Zuko, Mai and me, before...everything. It was nice."

At Ty Lee's words Azula had an image of four people around a fire, talking--

_ my own mother thought I was a monster _

\--but it faded. 

"Didn't we set fire to someone's house afterward?" she asked as they began to ascend the stairs.

Ty Lee laughed. "Admiral Chan, yeah. First thing he did when Zuko became Fire Lord was complain about his ruined house. I mean, he was careful to be polite and all but everyone knew what he wanted. So Zuko gave him the money for the renovations, and then sent him and his family on an extended mission in the former colonies...boy was that situation a mess. But anyway, for three years they didn't get to go in their fancy beach house once."

Azula quirked an eyebrow. "I wouldn't expect something so clever from Zuko."

"He learned fast." They reached the wood and bamboo porch at the top and Ty Lee slid the door open. "Mai helped."

Ah. That made more sense.

The ground floor had an open floor plan, a low dining table with red cushions in one corner, stove and steamer in another, polished cherry wood divans with gold upholstery on the other side, latticed windows letting in so much light that they might as well still be outside. In the back, winding stairs led to a loft given privacy by screens and curtains. It seemed much too simple to be the vacation home of a Fire Lord. 

It was exactly what she needed.

"How about we paint our nails?" Ty Lee suggested, bringing out brushes and a pot of lacquer from her bag. 

"Sure," she said, perching on one of the divans.

Ty Lee gently grasped her hand, holding her thumb steady with a light but firm touch. She dipped the brush into the pot and stroked the red enamel along her nail. Another bit of memory was gnawing at the edges of Azula's mind, insistent. The four of them had not been alone when they came here in that long ago summer. "There were two old ladies with us on that trip. What happened to them?"

"No one told you about Li and Lo?" Ty Lee gave her a sad look before moving onto her index finger. "I'm sorry. They died."

"Executed?"

Her gray eyes went big. "Oh, no. They said they had been banished by you and they intended to follow through with your order. Or one of them had, but because they didn't know which one, they were both going. Something like that. Zuko said he could take that order back since he was Fire Lord, but they told him that they were old and wanted to spend their last years somewhere peaceful and quiet. So they sold everything they owned and bought a little home on Whale Tail Island, and that's where they passed away. I know you were close to them..."

"Not really," Azula said. "But...I guess I'm glad that they died in a place that made them happy."

A soft smile touched Ty Lee's lips. 

As she finished Azula's one hand and started on the next, Azula asked "What else do you do?"

"Um...I visit Iroh at least once a week at his tea shop. That's your uncle. Do you remember him?" Azula shrugged and she went on, “Well, anyway, between the two of us we pretty much know everything that's going on in the city. Every so often everyone will get together and we'll have a little party. Sokka's the only one who stays around for any length of time because of his job but things got awkward after his break up with Suki so we don't talk that much..."

At the mention of Sokka's name, Azula's cheeks warmed. But then a memory surfaced of girls in green robes and armor in a forest. They fought bravely but despite their numbers they were no match for her flame...

"I remember Suki, a little. I put her in prison.” 

Ty Lee glanced up quickly before returning to her careful painting. "That's true. Zuko and Sokka broke her out when they rescued Chief Hakoda—that's Sokka's dad. Because of that I didn't meet her until after I had already asked to join the Kyoshi Warriors. It was rough at first because obviously she didn't trust me, but I didn't give up. After a while we became really good friends...which meant that after she and Sokka broke up I couldn't date him cause neither of us would do that to her. It's a shame; I've always thought he was really cute. You're all done."

Azula examined her nails, each coated in a perfect even layer of red, then said, maybe a little too casually, "Why did they break up?"

"They didn't say, but I think the long distance thing became too much for them. Suki was just too attached to the island to leave permanently, and I guess Sokka felt he had to do the ambassador thing, to serve his tribe."

"So he's not seeing anyone?"

Another glance from Ty Lee, this time curious and slightly amused. "Not as far as I know."

While their nails dried they strolled around the outside of the house, admiring the carefully trimmed hedges and the early spring flowers just beginning to bloom. Once inside, Ty Lee dozed off on one of the couches, but for the first time in days Azula wasn't that tired. She paced in front of the windows, the sun dappling her skin. Her chi surged at its touch, but she knew better than to try and bend. She'd only be disappointed.

After a while she wandered down to the beach and walked along the edge of wet sand. The tide was at its low point and would soon begin its advance up the beach. Azula sat down a little ways up from where it would eventually reach, and it was there that Ty Lee found her an hour or two later. This time she did not speak, just sat beside her in companionable silence. Together they watched the sky gradually shade from blue to pink.

When the sun hit the horizon, she touched Azula's arm lightly and stood up. "I'm going to go in and start dinner." 

"I'll be there in a bit."

She sat with her knees drawn up, absorbed with the bright vibration of her chi fading as the sun sank into the sea, slowing into an ebb and flow that swayed in time with the waves lapping at her toes. Out of the blue a voice asked, "So, how is it?"

Azula whipped her head around, but the beach was empty. Then a movement in the water caught her eye. A woman emerged from the sea, stopping short of where the tide met the sand. Her loose hair flowed into the folds of her gown, which in turn merged into the water seamlessly, all of it that same shifting indigo black outlined in a fiery scarlet by the setting sun behind her.

"You definitely look different," continued the woman. As Azula watched in confusion her cheeks and chin became more narrow and pointed, her lips became fuller, and her eyes took on more of an almond shape. "Did I get it right?"

"Who are you?"

The woman wearing her face laughed. It almost perfectly blended into the crash of the waves. "Silly. You know who I am."

"You're the Ocean," Azula said, only knowing it for sure when she named her. A black fish swam through her mind, followed by flashes of a watery monster with a glowing boy for a heart. That's what the reports described at the Siege, but she hadn't been there. Whose memories were these? "No one ever mentioned the Ocean spirit taking on the form of a girl."

"You don't remember anything, do you?" The Ocean sank down until just her head was visible, a disembodied face on the dark water. "I don't understand you, Tui. All this trouble to take a body, just to forget everything you knew. It was like this the last time too. Even though we still swam together, your mind was all in pieces and I couldn't talk to you."

Azula got up and waded into the water; it was as if someone else was making her body move. Soon she stood face to face with the spirit, her feet just brushing the sandy bottom. 

"Are you lonely, La?" she asked in a voice not her own. 

La's floating face looked petulant. A current swirled around Azula's body, wrapped around her waist like two strong arms and pulled her under the surface. Now she couldn't see the spirit at all, but her voice—its voice—came from somewhere deep in her brain. _ If I drown this body, you'll be whole again. _

_ I don't want to die! _ part of her screamed, but another part remained perfectly calm.

_ I have made a bargain with this human, La. I must see it through to the end. _

The Ocean spirit didn't reply right away. Water began to seep into Azula's nose and mouth, the taste of salt overwhelming her. She tried to kick and flap her arms but the effort became too much. Her gaze drifted upward to a sky made blurry through the lens of water, focusing on a faint glow in a vague boat shape. The moon. 

_ I was so lonely the first time.  _ La said.  _ You were swimming with me, yes, but you were so silent, like you were really somewhere else. I just kept telling myself it would be over soon and that everything would go back to normal...and then you died. _

The world shifted. Now the water that entered her mouth was sweet, warming her as it passed through her gills and slipped over her scales. La's dark tail flowed by her, liquid like silk or a girl's hair. She reached a white fin out to brush her sister's side. Somewhere in the back of her mind a woman was dying, but it seemed so far away.

_ I'm not in any danger this time. _

_ So you say. _ La fell silent for a moment, then said,  _ I just want you to be happy. Are you happy? _

She was about to answer...then she felt hands—warm, human hands—seizing her around her middle and pulling her out of the water. For a moment she panicked—

_ it's happening again just like before _

—and then she was on her hands and knees coughing salt water onto the sand, her white hair falling all around her.

"Azula, I was so scared that you had drowned!" Ty Lee's panicked voice from somewhere above her head. "What happened?"

"Don't know," she rasped, and then vomited. Ty Lee scooped her hair up and held it out of the way with one hand while the other rubbed her back.

"Come on," she said after Azula's last heaves stopped. "Let's get you back to the house. You need to rest." 


	11. Part 2: Waxing Moon; Chapter 10: Incognito

For most of the next day, Azula stayed in bed, shutting the window shades in order to avoid seeing the vast sea beyond. Ty Lee left her alone, going in and out on small errands or sitting out on the porch reading. On the second day Azula reluctantly agreed to go see “Love Amongst the Dragons,” though she stayed as far away from the beaches as possible on route to the play house and back.

On the morning of the third day, Ty Lee came back from a trip to the post office with a scroll in her hand. "Message from the palace. I haven't opened it yet. It has both of our names on it but I didn't want to be rude."

"Go ahead," said Azula, stretched across a divan.

She slid her thumb under the wax bearing the royal seal and unrolled it. "It's from Mai. Says your mother is doing better. She wants to know when we're coming home."

_ And going back to playing pretty princess for my brother and mother. _

"How does never sound?" she grumbled.

Ty Lee sighed and sat down opposite her. "Azula, I do have to leave soon. I need to get back to my clients and students."

Azula rolled over onto her belly, laying her head on her arms. "I almost wish I could go with you."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. People are still a little bitter about the whole takeover from the inside." She began pulling up her brown hair into a high ponytail, paused. "Wait a minute. What if you don't go as Azula? If you're not dressed as a princess, no one will know who you really are.”

“I don't know,” Azula replied doubtfully. “A lot of people have seen me with this hair. No matter where I go, people will figure out it's me eventually.”

"That's easy to fix. We can cover it up. Might make you look like an old grandmother, but..." She leaned forward, elbows on her knees. "Are you sure you want to go? Wouldn't you rather be home in case your mom gets sick again?"

"That's what a dutiful daughter would do, isn't it?" Azula turned her head away, faced the back of the couch. This close she could see red silk threads winding through the gold fabric. "But doing my duty has only led to misery..."

She heard a rustle of cotton, then felt Ty Lee's warm hand on her bare back. "Azula?"

"I'd like to visit your school," she whispered into her skin, "and Uncle's tea shop, and the parts of the city I never saw...

"Okay. We'll go." 

Azula pushed herself up to a sitting position, brushing her hair out of her face. Ty Lee beamed at her. "You can stay with me, and if Lady Ursa gets sick again, you can go home right away. Come on, let's send a note back to Mai, and then we'll book passage on the next ship out."

 

*

 

That afternoon they took a ferry to the second largest island. Unlike her first ocean trip, this time Azula stayed inside the ferry and went nowhere near the rail. They stayed overnight at a little inn, then took a ship from there to the west coast of the Earth Kingdom, Azula staying below deck the whole time hoping fervently that the ship wouldn't sink. They disembarked at a small but tidy seaside town.

"This used to be a seedy little town full of pirates, if you can believe that," Ty Lee said as they went down the ramp to the dock. "Joint effort between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom to clean it up.”

"Why?" asked Azula, hefting her pack. After almost a week of handling her own luggage she missed having a maid around. But that was the point of this whole thing, wasn't it? No maids, no title...

"Trade, of course." Ty Lee strode confidently through the streets, turning this way and that. "This is the main route to Ba Sing Se."

"It is? How?" Azula was beginning to feel like an annoying five year old, asking questions all the time.

"The train."

"Train?" she echoed just as Ty Lee halted in front of a large, squat building, open to the air. People in a multitude of colors streamed in and out, shouting, pushing carts loaded with trunks and bags, waving signs with huge characters painted on – names, by the look of it. Between the columns she caught sight of a huge black engine rumbling and puffing smoke at the sky, cars in gold and chartreuse lined up behind it. Several others waited on tracks off in the distance.

"The Earth Kingdom Express," shouted Ty Lee over the noise. "Right now there's only the one route, between here and Ba Sing Se, but they're building another track that will go all the way down to Omashu and eventually to Gaoling. This way, we completely avoid the Serpent's Pass. I'll go buy tickets."

For several minutes Azula waited there with their bags, exposed and alone. The kerchief she was wearing hid her hair, the hat over it covered her eyes. Still, if anyone got a look at her, rumors would spread and eventually someone would figure out who she was. Maybe she should find a ship going back to the Fire Nation...

Then Ty Lee appeared at her side and her anxiety eased. "Come on," she said into Azula's ear. "We'll eat on the train. It's going to take all night to get to the city so I got us bunks on the sleeper car, too."

Bunks? Sleeper car? The idea of sharing sleeping quarters with commoners both intrigued and repulsed her, not to mention that these were mostly foreigners. But before she could voice an objection Ty Lee had her arm and was guiding her through the crowds and up the narrow stairs of the waiting train car. 

"You've never been on a train, have you?" she asked.

"No."

"The engine is Fire Nation make, but the passenger cars were built in a factory just south of here along the river. Entirely Earth Kingdom in design. Trips in the Fire Nation are so short that they never needed sleeper cars or dining cars..."

"How do you know all this?" Azula asked, pulling her arms in tight as she tread the narrow passageway between the rows of seats full of merchants and families, the children with their faces pressed to the windows or bouncing up an down on the benches. The seats looked plush and comfortable, upholstered in a dark green velvet with pale yellow accents, but how was she supposed to sleep on them?

"The bartender in the dining car on the way to see you told me all about it," Ty Lee replied. "I like talking to different people." She led Azula through a thin door into some kind of connecting section between cars, then through a second door where the corridor made a sharp left around a wall. Peering around, Azula saw what looked like a row of small rooms with folding doors.

"Private sleeping compartments are brand new. I paid a little extra to get us one." Ty Lee pushed open the door to the second one. "Ooh, yes, this is much nicer than the open car. Those bunks only have curtains." She put her bag up on a high shelf, then unhooked a latch underneath and what Azula had mistaken for a decorative if odd bulge above the window swung down into a bunk. "See, one person sleeps here, and then these benches pull out and come up like this." She bent over and pulled up on each seat until they met, the backs folding down until it was a horizontal bed, then she pushed them back into seats again. Straightening, she turned to Azula, and her face fell a little. "It's not what you're used to..."

"It's nice," Azula said.

Ty Lee's smile broke like dawn. "After the train starts moving, I'll go get us some food, okay?"

Not too much later the train started up with much bellowing and puffing, and Azula was silently amazed at how fast it gained speed. She vaguely remembered being in huge metal vehicles before, but she didn't remember them being like this. The shaking back and forth made her feel a little dizzy, but soon it passed.

Ty Lee had a server from the dining car bring dinner to them, Azula being too nervous about eating in the dining car with other people. At one point toward the end of the meal she looked out to see that they were crossing over the river on a high bridge.  _ So this is what it was for. _

Since they were traveling away from the sun, darkness fell quickly, and the oil lamps were too dim to be of any real use. After the server took away their plates, a porter brought bedding and readied their bunks for them, then Ty Lee swung into the upper bunk and Azula undid her kerchief and lay down in the lower. The sway of the train no longer disoriented her as much; it was almost soothing. Through the window the half-disc of the moon shone in, adding crystalline highlights to her hair.

"Ty Lee?"

"Yes, Azula?"

"Why don't you hate me for putting you in prison?"

Her chuckle drifted down. "I deserved it. I did attack you."

And now Azula could remember that day. Mai's face, cold and sharp as her blades, telling Azula exactly where her loyalties really lay. Her betrayal had been a shock, but the sharp pain of Ty Lee's fingers jabbing into her, followed by numbness as her limbs stopped working like a puppet whose strings had been cut—that had hurt so much worse.

When she spoke next, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Why did you take her side?"

Ty Lee took a long time to answer. "It wasn't about sides. I never thought anyone could ever defy you; you were the princess and you were so perfect. But she did for the man she loved, even though it meant she might die. At that moment, I had an epiphany. If Mai left, there would be no buffer between me and you, nobody to provide balance. You were so powerful and I was so small and scared and unsure of everything, especially myself, that I could just lose myself to you completely. I'd end up doing terrible and cruel things for you just to have any kind of identity at all. If I was going to be my own person, I had to walk away from you. But I don't hate you, Azula. I never did."

Azula took a lock of her hair and held it up to the moonlight, rubbing it between her fingers. "Sometimes I almost feel like that person you describe. Other times I feel lost, like I've been trapped all my life and don't know anything about the world or about myself."

A long-fingered hand came down over the edge of the bunk, red nails that looked black in the dark compartment. Ty Lee's hand. "Anything I can do to help you, just tell me.”

Azula reached up her own hand and placed it inside the other woman's palm. They held hands like that until sleep made them fall away.


	12. Part 2: Waxing Moon; Chapter 11: Limbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still got a few more to go.

A little after lunch the next day, the train slowed and Ty Lee slid down the window to look out. "Oh, it's the Outer Wall. We're almost there."

Azula cautiously peered out and saw the huge wall curving off to either side. Tiny figures at the top motioned with their arms and the stone folded back, forming a tunnel through the wall. They roared through the tunnel, then it closed up behind them and they rumbled along through neatly manicured rice paddies, wheat fields, and pastures. Fat cow-sheep grazed and bellowed at the train as it passed by. 

As they neared the inner wall, she saw a large building squatting at its base, with three covered platforms on either side, two of them with locomotives puffing next to them, waiting to head west. Their train pulled up to an empty platform and they gathered up their things and got down, then went through the station and exited out the back. A short, wide road lead from there to a gateway through the inner wall where two officials stood, checking identification papers and bags. They got in line and Ty Lee began rummaging around in her bag for her paper. When they reached the official, he brightened, not even looking at the stamped identification paper she held up.

"Miss Ty Lee, how are you? Who's this young lady with you?"

"A good friend," she answered.

"Wonderful. Welcome to our lovely city. Miss Ty Lee, now that you're back, when is your center reopening?"

"Tomorrow."

"Can I make an appointment?"

"Just stop by," she said with a light laugh as they walked through the tunnel. 

"He didn't even ask my name," Azula said. "Did you know that was going to happen?"

"I remembered that he was on duty today," Ty Lee replied. "I wasn't sure if he'd be nice and just let us in, but I hoped so." Another, much smaller station stood on pillars next to where they emerged, stone pathways above them leading into the city, and they started up the stairs. "Now we'll take a monorail to the Middle Ring. That's where my place is." 

The monorail car, moved by earthbending instead of steam, didn't match the speed of the train but it was still fast and a much smoother ride. Not long after reaching the Middle Ring, they stood in front of a two story building, similar to all the others save for the gilded sign on which "Center for Holistic Wellness, Spirituality and Martial Arts" was painted in elaborate calligraphy. 

Inside, Ty Lee had apparently decided to eschew walls and doors for a combination of painted screens and sheer pink curtains which partitioned the bottom floor into sections. The area immediately beyond the front door was lined with cushions and hangings in a rainbow of colors. A combination parlor and waiting room for clients, by the looks of it.

Azula followed her into the middle area, which was divided into three parts. Between screens she saw a small kitchen in one part and a washroom with a wooden tub in the other; the part they stood in appeared to be a dining area with a table and cushions, but was also lined with shelves of scrolls, sheets of parchment and a few ancient-looking books made of bamboo, carved sticks, diagrams of a face and a palm, star charts, and calendars, both solar and lunar. She bent over a drawing of a circled subdivided into sections, with characters written in each. "You know how to use this?"

"Sure do. I know every method of divination you see there and several others.”

"Really?" Azula straightened and gazed at Ty Lee with genuine respect. "I'm impressed."

Instead of being pleased, Ty Lee looked confused. "You are? I always thought you considered all this stuff silly."

Azula shrugged. "I guess after everything that's happened to me, I can't count out anything."

Ty Lee smiled then, but it didn't entirely reach her eyes. "Okay, let me show you the training area and then the bedrooms are upstairs." 

The training area, the largest space in the house, was mostly bare floor although there was a stack of woven grass mats in a corner. Along the back wall were several windows and a sliding door that led to a porch that ran the length of the house and a tidy, though simple garden with a large open area covered with stones. Stairs to the right led to a hallway with three small rooms. The one that Ty Lee showed Azula to was barely a third the size of Azula's bedroom in the palace, but the bed was comfortable enough and the view from the window showed the quaint, scenic street below.

"We still have a few hours of daylight left. What do you think about getting some lunch and buying you some clothes to help you fit in? Then we could go to the spa, and then we can stop by your uncle's teashop and check if he's got any news about your mom. You must be worried about her, right?"

Now that she thought about it, Azula was concerned about Ursa's welfare, though it didn't feel like the overriding worry a daughter should have for her frequently sick mother. Still, it was better than the anger she had felt before. Maybe it was the benefit of distance and time, but her anger had cooled. Silly that she had been furious at all. Her mother had saved her, and she should be grateful...

"Azula?"

"Hm?"

Ty Lee smiled. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh. Yes. That sounds great." She undid her kerchief, redid her bun to get it nice and tight, and tied it back on again. "It would be nice not to have to keep my head covered all the time."

"I thought you didn't want to draw attention to yourself. And you said you hated your hair."

"I did, didn't I? I guess I'm getting used to it." Azula gestured toward the door. "Let's go."

  
  


*

  
  


Under the rim of her new parasol, Azula peered up at the elegant building with the small sign that said “The Jasmine Dragon” in gilded characters. People in shades of green and yellow went in and out in a steady stream. "This is Uncle's teashop?"

"Nice, isn't it?" Ty Lee spun her own parasol, then added a pirouette for good measure. The pale green skirt of her new dress flared out slightly, the pink trim of the darker green overdress complimented the glow of her cheeks and the magnolia blossoms in her hair. 

Azula had gone for light green on top with white underneath, trimmed in purple. That color really was everywhere. The Water Tribe traders must be rolling in money. 

"It's busy,” she commented.

"It's always busy. He has the best tea in the whole city. Probably even the world."

"Then maybe we should come back later."

"Your uncle will make time for us. Oh, but remember they call him Mushi, here. Only a few of us know who he really is. Even after the war ended, it was easier for him to keep the fake name, mostly so he'd stay out of international politics." 

They folded up their parasols and ascended the stairs. The hostess who greeted them at the door instantly lit up at seeing them. "Hello, Miss Ty Lee! I shall inform Mr. Mushi that you are here." She hurried off, and a few moments later, a short, smiling man with long hair and a beard walked toward them. This must be her uncle.

“Good to see you've returned safely from your trip, Ty Lee" he said, bowing in the Earth Kingdom style. "And who is this lovely young lady..." Iroh cut himself off as he got a good look at her and his jolly demeanor gave way to stunned surprise.

"Niece?" he whispered.

"Yes, Uncle. It's me."

Iroh looked around at his customers, then beckoned them to a back corner. "Does your brother know you're here?"

"We sent him a message. Was I supposed to get his permission before going on a trip?"

Iroh folded his hands on his stomach, his expression placid. "That's between you and him. Come, my staff has everything under control out here. Let's go to one of the private rooms and talk. I would like to hear how everyone is doing back home."

When they were comfortable, Iroh left the room and returned a moment later with a steaming tea pot and cups. "Would you ladies do me the honor of trying a new flavor for me?"

"Sure!" answered Ty Lee brightly. 

With reverent, slow gestures, Iroh set a cup before each of them. The liquid that poured out of the white porcelain pot was a light clear brown with an aroma Azula had never smelled before. When he set the pot down, they all bowed their heads as one and took a sip.

Ty Lee was the first to speak. "Ooh, what is this? It's not like anything I've ever tasted."

"On a peninsula to the east where Chameleon Bay meets the ocean there is a grove of trees that produces a fruit that's resembles a hybrid between limes and grapefruits, but isn't like either of them. The fruit is not edible, but the peel produces a wonderful scent and I wondered if there was a way to capture that scent in a tea. After months of experimentation, I made this. Do you like it?"

"It's quite good." Azula admitted. 

"Does it have a name?" Ty Lee asked.

"Not yet," Iroh beamed at her. "Perhaps you could divine one for me?" At her eager nod he moved smoothly to the next subject. "It has been a few weeks since Zuko's last letter. He said that you had gotten very sick, Niece, and that he allowed Katara to take you to the North Pole, but I have heard nothing since. You are feeling better?"

Azula sighed, looked to Ty Lee who gave her an encouraging nod, then unwrapped the cloth covering her hair. Iroh's eyes went big, but only for a moment. "That is certainly unexpected," he murmured before taking another swallow of tea.

"It hasn't been easy to deal with," she said, her head bent.

"I imagine not." Iroh set his cup down and studied her. "How do you feel otherwise?"

“It's complicated.” Part of her was saying to stop there, to not tell him anything. But something inside her warmed to him, like it had already determined he was trustworthy and the words began coming out in a rush. “I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I've been told that I did really terrible things when I was younger, and sometimes I can believe it, but other times I feel like that was somebody else.”

They stared at her.

“And I can't firebend anymore,” she added more quietly.

Ty Lee's jaw dropped. “You didn't tell me that!”

“I wasn't sure how to bring it up.”

Iroh closed his eyes. For a second Azula thought he had fallen asleep, but then he spoke. "I was there the night Zhao tried to destroy the Moon spirit and Princess Yue gave her life so that it could live again, becoming the new Moon spirit in the process.” He opened his eyes again. “She reminded me of you, a little bit. Not that your younger self would have willingly saved a spirit at the cost of her own life, but you both had the same determination, the same drive to do what was expected of you no matter what the cost.”

“Is that why she bonded with me?” Azula asked.

“I couldn’t say. Spirits are not like us. They don’t think or feel like human beings, with only one exception - the spirit that inhabits the Avatar. But a spirit that was once human? Who knows.”

Ty Lee had an unusually contemplative look as she stared at her cooling tea. “So Aang is like, two spirits in one body, right? And you’re two spirits in one body. That means—” she brightened “--you guys have something in common!”

“That's more than a little ironic,” Iroh said with an almost catlike smile. 

Azula thought of what Sokka had told her, about how she had tried to kill Aang, and sank down in her chair with a sigh.

“Would you accept an old man’s advice?” he asked. 

She nodded. 

“It would be easy for you to despair over what you have lost, but you could also see this as an opportunity for change and growth, an opportunity you would never have had were you still in the asylum. Six years ago, I told Zuko that he was facing a crossroads in his destiny. I believe this is yours.”

Katara’s words on the ship came back to Azula then, to choose who she wanted to be. Should she choose to accept her bond, to let the moon spirit in all the way? What would happen to her then?

The door suddenly blew open and a short young woman in yellow and green barreled into the room, yelling “Iroh!” and throwing her arms around him. She seemed familiar, but Azula didn’t have time to think about it before the young woman’s companion leisurely strolled in after her, boomerang on his hip, sporting a familiar wolf tail. Her chest tightened and she quickly sipped her tea to combat the desert her mouth seemed to turn into. 

Sokka’s easy grin initially fell when he spotted her, briefly making her want to be an earthbender so she could sink into the ground and not come back up. Then he smiled again, more gently this time, before taking one of the empty chairs. 

_ He smiled at me!  _ some part of her squealed.

Then another part retorted,  _ What is the matter with you? You didn't want to turn into a simpering moron, remember?  _ But that voice seemed very small.

In the meantime, Iroh asked, “What are you doing back in Ba Sing Se, Toph?” 

At hearing the petite woman's name, Azula remembered that Ty Lee had also mentioned her. Now she recalled a bit about her: a loud, brash young girl that was an extremely powerful bender for her age. Toph had gotten a bit taller and was obviously not a child anymore, but her personality seemed to be the same. She flopped into one of the remaining chairs and put her bare, dirty feet up on the table, missing Iroh’s teapot by less than a handsbreadth. Uncle Iroh gently picked up the teapot and set it a little further away while Toph replied, “Do I need a reason to come see you guys?”

“Of course you don’t!” shouted Ty Lee as she threw her arms around her. 

When she drew back, a grinning Toph asked, “So who’s your friend? I couldn’t see her very well when I came in. Seriously, Iroh, what’s with the carpet in here? It’s too thick.”

“My apologies. It’s Azula.”

Toph’s smile didn’t go away, but it definitely hardened. “Oh yeah? Sokka told me you went swimming with some spirit fish. How’d that work out for you?”

“I’m alive,” Azula replied.

“And not crazy and trying to kill everyone. Points for you.”

“Toph, please don’t,” Ty Lee murmured.

Azula put a hand on her arm. “It’s fine. I should be going anyway, I’m getting tired. I can probably find my way back on my own if you would like to stay.”

“No, I’ll come. I have a lot to do tomorrow and need to go to bed early.” Ty Lee embarked on a round of hugging, including Iroh, who looked a little too happy with the attention. “Bye everyone!” As she did this, Azula bound up her hair again, only once sparing a glance at Sokka, who was clearly trying not to look like he was watching. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. 

At the doorway, she paused and turned back to her uncle. “Would you mind writing home and finding out if my mother is okay? She’s been ill on and off. She was feeling better when I left but that might have changed.”

Iroh nodded once. “I will.”

“Thank you,” Azula said sincerely. Without intending to, she met Sokka's eyes one more time and the unbidden memory of what he had said to her rose up in her mind. She turned away quickly and hurried out.

 

*

 

After dinner, Ty Lee started rummaging around on her shelves, moving things from one pile to another in a system that Azula imagined only made sense to her.

“Ty Lee?”

“Yes, Azula?”

“Could you tell me my fortune?”

Ty Lee beamed over her shoulder. “Really? Sure!” She bounced up and moved the table off to the side. A small square rug lay underneath, which she whisked away to reveal a shallow stone fire pit. “I have to run outside for some firewood, and then get all my materials.”

Several minutes of bustling around later, Ty Lee had wood in the pit, a covered pot next to it, some tongs, and several candles artfully arranged around the room.

“This is where firebending would come in handy,” Azula muttered.

“It's okay. I have spark rocks.” Ty Lee went to the kitchen and emerged with two black stones. After banging them together a couple of times, she got a spark to catch and eventually a fire burned in the pit. She lit one candle with it, then used the lit candle to light the others. When they were settled on opposite sides of the fire, Ty Lee lifted the pot to reveal bones of several different shapes and sizes. “Now pick one and throw it into the fire, and I'll read the cracks.”

That sounded far too simple, but Azula figured even if it was all just a crock of shit, it couldn't hurt and she had asked for this. Amidst all the bones in the pot, a hefty shoulder bone attracted her attention. She wondered briefly what animal it had come from before gingerly picking it up and tossing it onto the orange flames.

The fire blazed up for a moment, then several loud popping sounds followed. Ty Lee grabbed her tongs and seized the bone, lifting it high to reveal several cracks running throughout. She blew on it, then gently set it down and squinted at it.

“So?” Azula asked.

“This doesn't make any sense.” Ty Lee sat back on her heels, her eyebrows drawn together in puzzlement. “It's telling me nothing.”

“Oh.” She chuckled faintly. “Maybe I was right to be skeptical.”

“No, no, no. I mean it's literally telling me nothing. You're stuck in a kind of limbo. Until you come to terms with what is holding you back” she paused for dramatic effect, “you have no future.”

Ty Lee's wide eyes and spooky voice was a little over the top. Still, after Azula wished her good night and went upstairs, she lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a long time, turning her friend's words over and over in her mind.


	13. Part 2: Waxing Moon; Chapter 12: A Different View

Despite staying up so late, Azula was awake as soon as the light poured in between the slats of her window shades. Ty Lee was already up and preparing breakfast, by the sound of it. The rattan mats that had been stacked against the wall the previous day were now laid out in neat rows in the training room. Azula walked in between them, parted the curtains and knelt at the table.

“I didn’t expect you to be awake already,” said Ty Lee as she set a cup of very dark, pungent tea in front of Azula. 

“I sometimes have trouble sleeping,” Azula answered, taking a sip of the bitter brew. “What are you doing today?”

Ty Lee went back to the steamer. “My first class is yoga, then I have a group of very young children come in to learn tumbling and handstands—they’re really so cute. Then my advanced students come for lessons until lunch time, then this afternoon I’ll be telling fortunes and doing charts.”

“I suppose I need to find something to do, then.”

“You could stay for the yoga,” Ty Lee said, carrying a plate of steamed buns that she set down on the table between them.

“I don’t think so.” Azula picked up one and took a bite. The dough was the perfect mix of gooey and fluffy, and sweet bean paste spread over her tongue. “When did you learn how to cook so well?”

“Another thing I picked up on my travels. I’m glad you like them.” Ty Lee bit into one and chewed thoughtfully. “I suppose,” she said after swallowing, “you could go to the zoo. I don’t think you got to see it when you were here last.”

“I was busy conquering the city at the time, wasn't I?”

Ty Lee laughed awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll figure out something.” 

A short time later, with her hair covered and her parasol up, Azula wandered the streets of the Middle Ring, listening to the sounds of shopkeepers opening their stores and stalls. A few other people were out and about, but they didn't spare her so much as a glance. If they only knew...

_ They should know, _ said a tiny voice inside her.  _ They bowed to you once. You had them cowering in fear!  _

_ Go away, _ she told that voice.  _ I don't want to think about that. _

The street she was on ran into another perpendicular to it, a canal just beyond. On the other side, homes bordered the canal's bank, beyond them was the wall separating the Upper Ring from the Middle. A stone bridge a little ways down the road to her left led across the canal, and further on was the monorail track, running into a huge tunnel through the wall.

Azula walked along the fence dividing the road from the canal and turned toward the bridge. Just before it, a path led down to the edge of the water. Without thinking she wandered down that path, but at its edge she hesitated.

_ It's fresh water. Stop being so nervous. _

Kneeling where the cobblestones met the water, she peered in. Her own face looked up at her, the green cloth around her head hiding all trace of white. The water rippled and the image blurred. The eyes turned blue, the chin became rounder, snowy hair spilled out. Yue looked up at her, appearing much more vibrant than the last time Azula had seen her. It almost seemed like the spirit herself was actually floating there below the surface of the water.

Azula touched her own cheek, and the moon spirit touched hers. Then she moved her hand toward Yue's face, certain that her fingers would not encounter water, but skin...

“There you are,” said a voice from behind her. A distinctive male voice that made her jump a little and jerk her head up. Sokka stood on the road above, smiling down at her. “I've been looking all over for you.”

That took her aback. “Really?”

“Yeah. Dragged Ty Lee away from teaching...whatever that stretchy thing is they were doing.”

“Yoga,” she said.

“Whatever.”

Azula glanced quickly at the water again, but she only saw herself. Getting to her feet, she walked back up the path. “I don't understand,” she said when she was level with him. “Why were you looking for me?”

Sokka scratched his head. Was he blushing a little? “I just wanted to see how you were doing, I guess. You said Lady Ursa was sick, right?”

“Last I heard, she was doing better, but it's been up and down.”

“I've met her a couple of times. She's a nice lady. I hope she's okay.”

“Me too,” Azula replied, and realized she meant it. 

An uncomfortable pause followed, which she broke with, “I thought you didn't like me because of all the terrible things I did.”

“Yeah, about that. Maybe I overreacted a little.” He sighed. “With your illness and your amnesia, I shouldn't have thrown all that at you. I'm not going to lie and say you were a good person back then, but you were also just a kid. We were all just kids. It seems like you are a different person now and maybe...I should give the new you a chance.”

Her cheeks flushed and she quickly moved onto a new topic. “So...now that you found me, what do you want to do?”

“Um...” He chuckled. “I didn't think that far ahead. And I'm usually the guy with the plans.”

Azula picked up her parasol and unfolded it. “Where do you spend most of your time?”

“In meetings up at the palace. Trust me, that is not something you want to be part of.”

“You don't have any today?”

“Now that Irkuk and I have worked out a fair deal with the traders, I have some free time. I was supposed to leave for home yesterday, but then Toph showed up and I hadn't seen her in a while so I stuck around.” Sokka took on a serious tone. “I'm sorry for what she said. It was pretty harsh.”

“You don't have to be sorry. I don't expect everyone to suddenly like me. That wouldn't make much sense.”

“Well, yeah. Toph'll come around, though. She was the first one to trust Zuko even when the rest of us were ready to push him off a cliff.” He rubbed his chin. “Of course, he ended up burning her feet—this is not a good comparison.” To Azula's relief, he changed the subject. “Enough standing around here. Let's go somewhere.”

“Where?”

Sokka hemmed and hawed a bit. “Have you been to the zoo yet?”

Azula couldn't help laughing. “No. Let's go.”

*

Actually getting to the zoo took most of the day, as Sokka talked her into forgoing the monorail for walking and then proceeded to stop at every shop and watch every street game they came across. Though her feet grew tired and sore, Azula didn't mind all that much. _This is Ba Sing Se as he sees it_ , she thought as he cheered on one speedy young earthbender at a back alley earth soccer match in the Lower Ring. _This is the city as ordinary people see it._

Once past the wall and at the zoo, they meandered up and down looking at each exhibit. Sokka explained how the enclosures came to be, and Azula had to admit that Aang was capable of amazing things. Still, the smell of dung was everywhere and the animals themselves just laid around. When Sokka suggested finding the famous fountain, Azula quickly agreed.

He couldn't remember exactly where it was, so they spent more time wandering up and down the narrow streets of the Lower Ring. Night had fallen by the time they finally reached it; the moon hung large and round in the sky. The lit fountain was beautiful, but Azula was more interested in getting off her aching feet. They sat near each other on its rim, watching the ripples catch the firelight, a dance of fire and water.

“I wasn't completely honest with you earlier,” Sokka said. “I did want to know about your mom, but that wasn't the only reason I came looking for you today.”

“Oh?” She trailed a finger in the water. “What's the other reason?”

He hesitated. “I've been thinking about you ever since I left the North Pole. I can't help it. I have to know. She's in you, isn't she? Yue.”

Azula didn't know how to answer, so she stayed quiet.

“Why did she do this to you? Why you, of all people?”

“I don't know.” she replied. “The only thing I do know is that for the first time since waking up in the Oasis, I don't feel confused or scared. I didn't spend today worrying about what people were thinking of me. I wasn't living under the shadow of the old me and all the terrible things she did. I could just be an ordinary girl, spending time with a guy she liked. I like you, a lot. I don't understand why it has to be complicated.” She turned away and folded her arms. “I'm sick of things being complicated.”

She felt more than heard him draw closer, and his hand gently cupped her cheek and turned her face back up to him. He brushed her hair back with his other hand, then held her head steady and gazed into her eyes as if looking for something.

All at once he dropped his hands and stood up. “Sorry. I shouldn't be acting this way. It's not right. Besides, it's late and we should be getting back.” 

He didn't speak to her at all on the ride up to the Middle Ring, averting his eyes as she got off the car. She ran all the way to Ty Lee's house and knocked on the door. Her friend opened it, dressed in a nightgown and a robe, her hair down. “Azula, I was getting a little worried. Did Sokka find you? What did you end up doing today...Azula?”

Azula threw herself into Ty Lee's arms and burst into tears.

After settling her down at the table, Ty Lee handed her a clean cloth for her face, then went to fill the kettle. Azula sniffled, wiped away her tears, blew her nose, and was calm by the time Ty Lee returned and sat down next to her.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don't know what happened. I thought everything was going well. But then he started talking about Yue and acting all strange, and then he just dropped me off at the monorail station without so much as a goodbye. I'm worried he doesn't want to see me any more.”

Ty Lee rolled her eyes and let out an enormous sigh. “Oh, Sokka. Why are you such an idiot sometimes? Now I'm glad I never dated you.” She clapped a hand to her mouth. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.”

“I don't think he never wants to see you again, though. Just give him some time.” At that moment the kettle whistled and Ty Lee hopped up to make the tea.

They sat up drinking tea and talking of other things late into the night, but Azula kept thinking about Sokka. Ty Lee meant well, but she was almost certainly wrong about this. Maybe if Azula was a normal girl and they didn't have all that history, then giving him some time would work. But she could never escape her past.

_ Maybe it's time to go home and make the best of it. _


	14. Part 2: Waxing Moon, Chapter 13: The Ephemeral Nature of Things

Though Azula woke with the dawn, she stayed in bed with the covers drawn up well into the morning. There was nothing worth getting out of bed for. She didn't feel like visiting her uncle and meandering around the city by herself held no interest for her. 

Just then, Sokka's voice drifted up to her through the space between the cracked-open window and the sill. “Hey. Is Azula there?

She threw her clothes on, tied on her kerchief and ran downstairs, past all the little children kneeling on mats who spun around to watch her fly by, into the front room where he stood with Ty Lee. He had his hands behind his back and she was grinning wider than Azula thought possible.

“Here.” He thrust a bunch of flowers at her. The stalks were warm and slightly smooshed from the pressure of his hands, the petals drooping a bit. “I was a jerk last night. I'm sorry.”

She dipped her head and sniffed at them, but they didn't have much of a scent. “Thank you.”

“I'll go put these in some water,” Ty Lee said, taking them from her. “All right, students,” she called as the curtain swung shut behind her. “Resume your positions, please.”

“I thought about it, and you were right,” he said. “This doesn't have to be complicated. Sure, there's the small matter of you being a princess, but...”

“I'm not a princess right now. There is nothing for me back home and except for my mother, no one misses me.”

“Good,” he said, then stammered, “I mean, not good, but...”

“I know what you meant,” she said, touching his arm. 

They stepped outside, blinking in the bright sunlight. “So, what did you want to do today?” asked Azula.

"Want to go on a boat ride with me?"

“Depends. Are you secretly planning to tie me up and dump me in the water?”

Sokka laughed, a sound that warmed her inside. "Not this time. Hey, we could even bring some fishing poles. Do princesses ever go fishing?"

Brief flashes of memory popped up in Azula's mind like little bubbles. Men in blue coats carrying clubs and nets trooping out on fishing expeditions...

Was that her memory? No one she knew ever went fishing, or wore blue...

"Azula?”

She shook off the memories and smiled at him. “I don't know about any other princesses, but I've never been fishing. But that's why I'm here. New experiences." 

They found a place that sold fishing poles and live bait, then they took the monorail to the Inner Wall. From there they rented ostrich-horses and rode to Lake Laogai. At seeing the wide expanse of water getting closer, Azula almost begged him to turn back, before reminding herself once again that it was fresh water and the ocean was leagues away.

They dismounted at a marina with multiple docks extending into the water, boats lined up on either side. Many lovely homes rivaling the ones on Ember Island dotted the shore around the lake, their roofs golden in the afternoon sun.

"Those houses are almost brand new," Sokka said. "After the war there were no more Dai Li keeping the lake off limits so all the Earth Kingdom nobles rushed in to build vacation homes."

"Do you have one?" Azula asked.

"Yeah, right, on my salary? Half of which is paid in furs and seal jerky?" They shared a smile. “No, but I am allowed to keep a boat here. It's that one right there." 

He pointed to a wooden skiff at the end of the dock. It lacked a sail, but the Water Tribe symbol had been carved into its prow and the craft was painted a blue that matched his eyes. 

Azula was thinking about his eyes way too much. She was also thinking about his hands too much, holding hers as he helped her into the boat, untying the rope, taking the oars. She should stop thinking about how they felt on her skin the night before. She would stop thinking about that immediately.

To distract herself, she asked, "So how does one go fishing?"

"First, we find a good spot." He stopped rowing and leaned over the side. "This one will do. Then I'll tie the hooks on and put the bait on the hook." He pulled out the bag he had purchased at the bait shop earlier. "You want me to do this part?"

"Why? Is it hard? 

"Well, beetle worms do squirm a lot. But I thought you might not want to touch them..." Azula raised her eyebrows and he chuckled. "Not squeamish about bugs, huh? All right, grab one." He held the bag out to her; she reached in and grasped one of the wiggly creatures. "Now just hold it in the middle," he directed, "and put the hook through the soft part on the underside."

When the barb pierced the beetle worm, the way it thrashed and then grew still drew pity from her, but underneath that feeling was a deeper satisfaction. Almost gleeful. "I did it," she said. 

Sokka nodded his approval. "Now, hold the pole back like this," and he demonstrated holding the pole back over his shoulder. "Then throw the line like this." His wrists jerked forward, the pole swung through the air and the line whipped over their heads to land quite a distance from the boat. Azula followed suit, but her line didn't go nearly as far. She frowned.

"Just put a little more oomph into it," he said.

“Oomph?”

“Yeah, you know.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hands. “Oomph.”

She cast her line a second time. This time it flew out even farther than his did. Pleased, she asked, "So...now what?" 

"Now we wait," he replied.

Waiting meant being far too aware of his arm near hers, of their knees nearly touching, of the stubble on his chin. 

"Can't we do something while we wait?" she blurted out.

Sokka shot her an cheeky look. "Like what?"

The implications of her question hit her then and she blushed. "Um..."

He started laughing and she turned even redder. Her line went taut just then, saving her from further embarrassment. "What's happening?"

"I think you got something," Sokka answered. "Reel it in!" 

She began turning the crank, surprised at how difficult it was. The bamboo rod nearly bent in half as whatever was on the other end tugged down hard. Abruptly the line went slack; when she wound it all the way up, the hook dangled, empty of both fish and beetle-worm. Fury rose up in her like a venomous cobra, ready to strike.

"Aw, that's a shame," Sokka said, his gaze on the water. "Happens to the best of us, though. You did amazing for your first time." He placed his hand on hers.

Just like that, her anger melted away. "Thanks," she said, turning her hand so that their fingers intertwined.

Azula let her eyes drift up to the opposite shore of the lake. Beyond the tawny cliffs, a splash of pink stood out among the large squares of brown, green and yellow. 

"What's that over there?" she asked, pointing to it.

"Dunno. Want to go look?"

"What about fishing?"

Sokka shrugged and began pulling in his own neglected line. "Truth is, I hate fishing. I did it as a kid because it was either fish or starve. And I didn't even have the luxury of a pole, I had to club the fish on the head." 

He tucked the poles under his bench and grabbed the oars. Azula folded her hands in her lap and watched him row.

"You had it really rough as a kid," she said.

He shook his head. "It didn't feel rough though. There weren't many of us in the village because we had lost so many to the raids, but that was before I was born. We were like one big family, we all took care of each other, and my parents were awesome. My sister was a brat, but at the time, it was because she could be, you know? Because we felt loved and safe. That was before our mom died and she had to take over."

The thought of a young Katara acting like a brat made Azula smile, but it was brief. "I'm sorry for what happened to your mom."

"It was your dad's fault, and Aang took care of him, so it's in the past now. Things have been pretty good these past couple of years," He eyed her. "The way Zuko tells it, your childhood kinda sucked. Sure, you had servants to wait on you hand and foot and got everything you wanted, but it didn't seem like your dad wanted much to do with either of you unless you were useful to him."

"My memories are still spotty." Azula trailed a hand in the water. It was too choppy and murky for her to see her reflection in it. "I don't know how things were for Zuko, but I remember being lonely a lot. It seemed like no one paid attention to me unless I was acting like the perfect princess, so that's what I did. I suppose I did all the things I did to please my father. That's not an excuse, but..."

“I can understand that. I'm not sure I would have killed people for my dad--” Azula bowed her head at his words “--but I did obsess a lot about his approval.” He paused, then asked, “Do you still care about what your father thinks?”

“Not anymore,” she replied. The night she had gone to visit Ozai now seemed like a mistake.

The boat bumped against the mud in the shallows. Sokka got out and pulled the boat up to dry land, then helped Azula out of it. They hiked over plots of dark, rich-smelling soil and through stretches of ankle deep water towards the pink splotch on the horizon, which as they drew near revealed itself to be a grove of cherry blossom trees.

"Weird," Sokka said. "Random cherry blossom trees in the middle of nowhere."

"Do you think someone planted them here on purpose?" Azula asked as they walked in between them.

"Maybe. I’m not really sure whose land this is.”

A breeze stirred the blossoms; one floated down in front of her and she caught it in the palm of her hand. Her mind flashed back to the spa in the former colony, seeing it both as it had been three weeks prior, with bare trees, and how it had been when she had tracked her brother there, with the trees in full bloom just like these. But this time those memories were followed by more, and some of them didn't make any sense...

...chasing her brother through the gardens while her mother watched...

...sitting at her mother's feet, listening to the story of how she almost died...

...showing off for the grandfather she felt nothing but contempt for, listening with new-found respect as he demanded his second son give up what his first son had lost...

...watching the fish swim in the Oasis spring and feeling the warm water on her own skin...

...waking up the next day with her mother gone and for once, Zuko knew something she didn't, but she figured it out—Ursa had been to see him before she disappeared, but never came to see Azula...

...standing with eyes cast down as a young man fastens a necklace he carved around her throat, she briefly meets his gaze only to see the truth--she is nothing more than a prize...

...her father was all she had left, but he only ever smiled when she did what he wanted, only when she was better than Zuko, so she strove every day to be perfect, to follow his orders, to do her duty...

...duty called and she left the boy she loved to ascend to the sky, but she never forgot what she had left behind, what had been denied her...

Wetness on Azula's cheeks startled her out of the deep pool of recollection, but she had to reach up and touch the tears for the realization that she was crying to sink in. For once, Sokka didn't speak, just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close until her sobs subsided. 

A wind ruffled the branches and a rain of petals fell down upon them. They let go of each other to brush them off.

“You missed one,” Sokka said, and plucked a cherry blossom out of her hair. His fingers brushed her cheek, and she closed her hand around his. 

A drop of water landed in her hair, followed by another, then a few more made dark spots on their clothes. A moment later the sky opened, drenching them and forcing them to break apart.

“We had better get somewhere dry!” he shouted over the relentless patter of the rain. “Which way did we come from?”

“This way, I think?” Azula took his hand and led him through the trees. Outside the grove were more paddies, but the lake was nowhere in sight. A tall tree stood on a small hill, silhouetted against the battleship-gray sky, and they raced for the shelter of its branches.

Lightning lit up their surroundings, shortly followed by another crack of thunder. “This is the worst place for us to be in a thunderstorm, under a big tree surrounded by flat land,” Sokka said. 

“Yes.” Azula looked up at him. “Exciting, isn't it?”

“You have a fucked up definition of exciting,” he said, and leaned forward. His lips met hers.

_ Yes, this is what I've missed,  _ whispered some part of her with almost palpable relief. Almost immediately the other voice rose up with a counter-protest but she squashed it. She did not want to listen to words of doubt anymore. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be normal.

Eventually they broke apart, by some stroke of luck or fate spared any lightning strikes. Azula walked hand in hand with Sokka through the fields, indifferent to the rain soaking her clothes and plastering her hair to her skin. Neither of them spoke.

The trek back took forever, what with getting the boat back across the lake to the marina, then making the sodden trod along the muddy road back to the city. Her anticipation was a solid weight in her chest that only increased with each step. She didn't even know what she was supposed to be anticipating. 

_ Oh come on, you're not a child anymore, _ said her cynical inner voice, fighting its way past her efforts to keep it quiet.  _ You know exactly where this is going. It's not too late to stop yourself from doing something you'll regret. He is not worthy of you. _

She gripped Sokka's hand more tightly, and the voice died down.

The rain stopped by the time they reached the Inner Wall and the monorail was up and running. The few other passengers in the car looked askance at her and Sokka's soaked and mud-streaked hair and clothes. Belatedly, Azula remembered she hadn't covered up her hair and found that she couldn't be bothered to care. 

At the stop for the Middle Ring, Sokka bent his head and asked, “Are we getting off here?”

“Do we have to?” she whispered back.

He just smiled.

The last stop was near her uncle's tea shop; it took a bit longer to get to Sokka's house, a cute one story home with a porch that extended the length of the front. Once inside, she hesitated, not sure what to do next. 

“You're shivering,” he said.

“So are you.” 

“Getting out of our wet clothes should help with that problem.”

This proved to be far more difficult than such a thing should have been, but eventually the cloth parted, falling to the floor. Goosebumps rose along her damp skin in contact with the air and she pulled closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him hard. They left a line of scattered clothing as they backed into the bedroom and fell on the low bed. His knee bumped her shin and she thought in a detached sort of way that the spot would likely bruise. 

With his lips trailing kisses on the sensitive hollow of her neck under her jaw, Sokka shifted his body and settled in between her legs. Something hard pressed against her inner thigh; realizing what it was, she stiffened. He must have noticed her tensing up, because he lifted himself up to look down at her. “You okay?”

Her cheeks warmed, and understanding hit him all at once. “Oh. I'm dumb. This is your first time, isn't it?” 

Her gaze flicked away. “I don't remember if there's been any other times.”

“Right. We can stop, if you want.”

“No,” she said, emphasizing her words with another kiss.

“Okay, then,” he said when they broke apart, a little breathless. “No stopping. Got it. But I need you to do something for me, all right? Take a deep breath and relax.”

Azula inhaled, then let it out slowly, relaxing each muscle as the air went out of her lungs. Breathing like that reminded her of something, but before she could think of what it was he continued on his slow journey down her body, finding all the most sensitive parts of her. Her breath caught in a faint gasp, her mind stilled, and all was lost to bliss.

*

This late in the evening the Jasmine Dragon was nearly empty, the last few customers finally paying their bills and strolling out, the staff sweeping and wiping tables. Sokka caught the hostess's eye, she gave him a quick nod before going back to the papers she had in front of her. It looked like she was tallying up the day's sales. 

Toph was already waiting in the private tea room when they walked in. She didn't turn toward them, which Azula found a little unnerving, but her eyebrows did go up briefly. “Hey.” Her voice was flat.

“Hey yourself,” Sokka answered. “Ty Lee show up yet?”

“Nope. Just us three so far. And Iroh, but he isn't done yet.”

“Well I gotta use the little boys' room,” he announced, and headed back out again, but not before his hand brushed Azula's. She watched him leave with a soft smile, then perched on the edge of a chair across from Toph.

“So you two are a thing now,” the blind girl said. “Don't waste much time, do you?”

“I suppose not.” It had happened awfully fast, but at the same time, it was like she had been waiting for it for years. “How did you know? He's been with me the past few days, neither of us have told anyone yet...”

“I can feel your heartbeats. They're like freaking drums when you two look at each other. I can feel them even through this stuff.” She ran her bare feet over the carpet. 

“Is it going to be a problem?” Azula asked.

Toph scoffed. “Sokka's a big boy. I couldn't stop him even if I wanted to. When he gets all moony over a girl, he just won't listen to sense.”

Azula stared at her. With her clouded eyes disguised by her bangs it was nearly impossible to tell what she was thinking. “Are you...jealous?”

That provoked a short, sharp laugh from Toph. 

“Hells, no. That's not it at all.” She folded her arms. “Sokka's like a brother to me. They're all my family; him, Katara, Aang. Other people too but them most of all. And I don't like when people fuck with my family. You following me?”

“Yes.” Azula folded her hands in her lap, then surprised herself by saying, “I love him, you know.” 

Toph snorted. “Sure, you do. Maybe you think you do. But you're also, what, less than a month out of the loony bin? I'm not convinced that you're fully in control of your mind right now.”

Stunned and infuriated, Azula opened her mouth to defend herself, but Sokka returned before she could speak. He sat down in the seat next to her, hooking his arm on the back of her chair. She leaned back against his shoulder.  _ What does Toph know, anyway? _

A moment later, Ty Lee came in, almost bouncing. She hugged each of them in turn, Azula last. “I haven't seen you in days,” she murmured near Azula's ear. “Everything going well?”

“Yes,” she replied, smiling over her shoulder at Sokka, who grinned back. “Very well.”

“Wonderful,” Ty Lee said, releasing her and sliding into a nearby chair. She clapped her hands. “Ooh. I wonder if Iroh has any leftover mutton-pork dumplings.”

As if called, the man in question showed up at the door. Instead of a tea tray in his hands, though, he held a scroll tied with a red ribbon, and instead of a smile his expression was grim.

“Hello, niece. I apologize for not greeting you sooner, but I received word from your brother just a few minutes ago.”

The tone he had scared her. “What is it, Uncle?”

“Your mother passed away a few days ago.”


	15. Part 3: Waning Moon, Chapter 14: The Funeral

Azula stood next to her brother and his wife on the stairhead in front of the ceremonial shrine that crowned the Coronation Plaza, the roof shading her from the worst of the sun. Sweat trickled down her back and made her itch under her brand new white mourning robes. Forcing herself to hold still, her gaze traveled to her left where a golden sarcophagus lay on a platform, inside which was a body.

Her mother's body.

From overheard snatches of conversation earlier, she learned that the plaza was usually only reserved for the ceremonies of Fire Lords, but so many had wanted to be at Ursa's funeral that Zuko had allowed it to take place here. What had Ursa been up to for the past nine years that she was so popular?

_ I'll never get the chance to ask her, now._

She glanced at her brother. Zuko stood rigid, his eyes fixed on the crowd in the plaza, every inch the Fire Lord. He made her think of a tree in a storm; apply enough pressure and it would fall. Between him and Azula stood Mai, her expression a perfect mask. Only the red around her eyes betrayed her grief. Sometime that day she had wept fiercely, out of sight.

_More than I have,_ Azula thought.

The Great Sage's words echoed over the crowd in the plaza, intruding on her thoughts. “Ursa, of the noble family of Dao, grandaughter of Avatar Roku, you were a shining light guiding us through difficult times. Mother of Fire Lord Zuko, mother to Azula, beloved by our nation. May your journey through the spirit world be pleasant and your next life blessed.”

It didn't escape Azula that no one mentioned her mother's marriage, like her or anyone's connection to Ozai had just been wiped from history.

The Great Sage bowed deeply with the other Fire Sages and lit the kindling underneath the sarcophagus. It instantly went up in flames. After a few more moments of silence the mourners began to disperse, but their friends— _ Zuko's friends _ , said an inner voice—lingered near the foot of the stairs. Zuko and Mai turned toward her, snapping her out of her daze. As she descended the stairs she caught Sokka's eye, but turned away quickly. While the others talked quietly among each other, she went straight for the palanquin. From the palanquin she hurried into the palace, went immediately to her room, traded the formal white robe for a plain red one, and stretched out on her bed face down.

She might have dozed off at some point. With the curtains drawn it was hard to tell how much time passed until a knock sounded on her door. Azula really wanted to say 'go away', but instead she said, a bit groggy, “What?”

“It's me,” Katara said, gently pushing the door open and closing it behind her.

Azula was getting tired of the liberties certain people took around here.  _ Am I not royalty and entitled to my privacy? _ But she said nothing.

“We will be taking your mother's ashes to the Dragonbone Catacombs later tonight.” Katara sat on the edge of the bed. “I don't know if you're required to be there but I figure you would want to be.”

Azula shrugged.

“My brother has been asking about you.”

Somehow Azula missed the first word of that sentence. “Zuko is asking about me?”

“No, my brother. Sokka.”

_ Oh, right, of course._

Right after Iroh had delivered the news about Ursa, they had immediately booked passage for all of them on the first train west, scheduled to depart early the next morning. According to the message from Zuko, a ship would be waiting for them when they arrived. Just before boarding the train, Sokka had pulled her aside and told her that he knew what losing a mother was like, and that he would be there for her, whatever she needed. Then he had kissed her gently and gone toward his bunk in the open sleeper car.

Azula had traveled with Ty Lee in a private compartment again; her friend had understood what she needed without asking and left her alone to stare sleeplessly out the window. The next night, they had transferred to the ship. Azula kept to her cabin for the whole journey, pacing or staring out at the ocean through the tiny window, avoiding everyone except for a single handmaid that tended to all her needs.

When they arrived in the Fire Nation the day before, Azula had finally emerged from her cabin, formally dressed and crown in her hair. It was like some switch had been flipped, making an invisible bubble go up that no one dared cross, including Sokka. Once she had boarded the palanquin, she had been taken up to the palace, changed into the white of mourning and led to Mai's formal parlor which had become the temporary home of Ursa's body during the pre-cremation viewing and vigil.

Then followed several hours of chanting and prayers to the spirits. Sokka had been there, standing respectfully at the back of the room with Toph, both of them looking a bit lost. She hadn't turned around to look at him once. She barely registered anything or anyone beside the waxy face of her mother, the chanting of the Sages and the heavy smell of the incense and flowers. Soon her head had begun to pound. She had skipped the late post-vigil dinner and gone straight to her room, where she had managed to grab a few troubled hours of sleep before having to wake up and endure the cremation.

“Tell him I'm fine,” she mumbled into her arms.

“Why don't you tell him?” Katara suggested gently. When Azula didn't respond, she said, “I know you and he got together in Ba Sing Se.”

“Are you mad?” she asked without turning.

She heard Katara sigh behind her. “I wasn't thrilled. It's rather sudden. But there's not much I can do about it, is there? Look, what I wanted to say is, Sokka and I have both been through this and it's normal to want space and time to yourself. But if that's what you need, you should tell him. He deserves that much.”

Azula buried her face deeper into the covers. Katara let out another deep breath and stood up. Her footsteps thudded softly on the carpet as she headed for the door. They stopped, but instead of the sound of the door opening and shutting, she heard Katara speak again. “I'm not telling you how to grieve, but I can tell you from personal experience that hiding from the world won't work for very long. It will insist on breaking down your door whether you like it or not.”

For a few more moments after the door finally shut, Azula lay there without moving. Then she pushed herself up into a sitting position and immediately came face to face with Yue. Startled, she shot to her feet, then realized that she was looking at her wall mirror. Yue was standing where her reflection should be, still looking bright almost to the point of shining, though Azula knew that her vitality was fading bit by bit.

“I've never lost someone close to me.” Yue whispered. “I had to leave everyone when I turned into the moon but I could still see them from the sky. No one close to me has ever died. It's like there's a huge hole where she used to be.”

“She wasn't your mother,” Azula retorted. “Your mother is some old lady up north. How dare you presume to care about her?”

“I do care,” Yue answered, “because you care. I miss her because you miss her. It hurts worse than I ever imagined.”

“Rethinking the whole bargain, now?” Azula asked bitterly.

Yue gave her a sorrowful look. “Let me help you, Azula. You almost let me in back in Ba Sing Se. If you would stop fighting me, let us merge completely, I could help you bear this pain.”

“You know what would help me bear it?” she snapped. “Having my firebending back.”

“I didn't take away your bending, Azula. I don't have that power. It's the blocks in your mind preventing you from bending. If you let me in, I'm sure it would return.”

“You mean you don't know?” She turned her back on the mirror. “Wonderful. I'm supposed to trust a spirit who hijacked my body but doesn't know what she's doing.”

“Azula,” Yue's tone turned grave. “You agreed to this. You asked me to free you. Spirit bargains are binding. I can't leave you until its fulfilled.”

Azula turned around again, contemplating the moon spirit. She was still angry, but the anger was turning cold, an icy pool subsumed under a layer of chill rationality. The gears in her mind were turning like an dormant machine being started up for the first time. It felt good. Through the fog that was her memory she dredged up the recollection of Yue's first appearance, back in the tiny cell at the asylum, and what they had said to each other. 

"I see now," she said with a short laugh, sharp with ire. “You had some particular definition of 'free' in mind that is providing you a loophole so you can possess me as long as you want. I knew spirit bargains always had a catch.” She rubbed her chin in thought. “But why me? Surely one of your precious Water Tribe people were far easier a target.”

“It was like I said before, you fascinate me,” Yue answered. “You were so like and yet so unlike who I used to be. A princess, sworn to fulfill her duty, but for you that obligation had been twisted and warped. Instead of compassion for your people, you had contempt. You served your father, who forgot that he too should be a servant of his country. His ambition made you both slaves.”

“Pretty words,” Azula sneered. “I know all about pretty words, moon spirit. I know how to manipulate and decieve with words. I'm a master at it. So let's dispense with the pretense. What's your real reason?”

Before Yue could speak, Azula flashed back to the night at the fountain, the way Sokka had held her face and looked into her eyes as if hoping to see someone else in them, the way he spoke of Yue not as a guardian spirit of his people, but with the tone of someone who had known her personally. Who had...

“That's it,” she murmured, and broke into a laugh “That's it! You used me to get to him. You wanted another go round with your old boyfriend. I suppose my particular mental state made me the only candidate for possession who also might get close to him, since he's my brother's friend. Some gamble you took, thinking he would trust me, but it paid off. Well done.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “I'd almost be impressed, except that you're using my body without my consent!"

In the mirror, Yue shook her head vigorously. “No, that's not it at all. I want to help you. And I can't force you to feel something you wouldn't otherwise feel. I didn't make you sleep with him. Everything you have done was by your own choice.”

“Shut up,” she snarled, spinning around and walking a few steps away. “You're a liar and a trickster. I will get rid of you no matter what it takes.”

A loud knock on the door made her jump. She darted a glance at the mirror and saw only herself in the rumpled red robe, her hair mussed up. Quickly smoothing it down, she called out, “Yes?”

“Azula, it's me.”

Zuko? “Come in.”

He opened the door and stepped in, still in his white robes and wearing the five-pronged crown, but the robes had a few wrinkles and a couple strands of his hair escaped the topknot. “Were you talking to some one in here?” he asked.

She straightened and held her head high. “No, of course not.”

Briefly his eyes narrowed in distrust, then his features smoothed out. “You should get dressed. We're leaving for the Dragonbone Catacombs in a few minutes.”

The way his words sounded like a command instead of a request irritated her. “Is that an order, Fire Lord?

“What?” Zuko threw a hand up. “No, I just thought you wanted to be there when we said our goodbyes to our mother.” He pivoted and began walking away. “Stay here, if you want. I have too much going on to worry about you.”

The thud of his boots echoed down the hall. Lips pressed tightly together, Azula banged her little gong to summon a maid. She was going for herself, not for Zuko.

She insisted on her robes being pressed and her hair being perfect, so by the time she arrived everyone was already gathered in the foyer and the doors were opening. As she approached, she heard Sokka saying, “You sure you want Toph and me there? We don't want to be in the way...”

“No, it's fine,” Zuko replied. “She liked you guys. She liked when we were all together.”

His eyes flicked over to Azula as she drew near, but he started down the palace steps without another word. Mai followed close behind without acknowledging her at all. Katara gave her a small smile, and Aang a nod, before they too left. Toph was standing off to the side, her bangs covering her face, silent like a statue. Sokka though, had his eyes on her from the moment she appeared. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he was stopped short by Ty Lee throwing her arms around Azula.

“I haven't talked to you since we got off the train,” she murmured. “Are you doing okay?”

“What do you think?” Azula replied.

Ty Lee flushed. “Sorry. I'm just worried about you.” She let go of Azula, looked back to Sokka, then grabbed Toph's hand. “Toph, come on. Let's go catch up to the others.” Toph seemed to hesitate, but then relented and let Ty Lee tug her along.

“Hi,” Sokka said.

Azula crossed her arms around herself and stared at the floor. Her feelings for him were still there, bubbling just under the surface, but after the conversation with Yue they were poisoned. She couldn't trust them. She had no way of knowing what was truly hers. All Yue's protestations otherwise were obviously lies.

His fingers brushed her cheek, she jerked away, and his voice turned hard. “Azula, what the hell?”

“There are servants around,” she muttered. Actually, the foyer was empty, but an Imperial Firebender guard or palace servant was likely to show up at any time.

Understanding crossed his face, followed by anger. “So you're ashamed of me. I was just a plaything and now that you're back to being a princess...”

“My mother just died,” she snarled. “I don't feel like being affectionate. Is that all right with you?”

He bent his head. “I'm sorry. I just miss you, is all. I want to help.”

“You can help me by backing off,” She walked toward the door. “We should go. Zuko's probably at the Catacombs by now.”

The edge of the caldera in the distance appeared to burn in the last red beams of the setting sun. The moon, a semi-circle the color of wheat, hovered above its rim. In silence Sokka and Azula walked down the steps and past the gates, then veered north to the temple. When they made it to the courtyard inside the temple's wall, no one was around. However, a large hole rimmed by a decorative mosaic gaped in the center. They descended the winding staircase and headed down a hall dimly lit by torches, its roof crisscrossed by arches made of dragon ribs and spines.

“Are these dragon skulls?” Sokka asked with a grimace, staring at the sides of the hall. “Some choice in architecture your ancestors had.”

She shot him a look. “These are called the 'Dragonbone Catacombs'.”

“Doesn't make it any less creepy.”

Suddenly Ty Lee's head appeared to poke out of the wall. “We're down here, guys,” she said in a whisper that managed to echo up and down the corridor.

'Here' turned out to be a narrower corridor branching off the main one with a single archway at the end, a statue of Zuko in his most formal regalia next to it. After a moment's inspection Azula realized it acted as the door to the room, and that it had slid aside by some mechanism.

_ Activated by firebending, no doubt._

Beyond was a small crypt barely big enough for all of them to stand it, decorated with a couple of large pots on the floor. Carvings of dragons breathing flame wound around shallow depressions on the walls, just large enough to contain jars. In one of them the Grand Sage placed a red porcelain jar, carved with characters in neat columns. Azula could make out a few of them: her mother's name, a few other names who were probably ancestors, and dates.

Judging by the statue at the entrance, this must be Zuko's eventual resting place for him and members of his family. _Every Fire Lord likely has their own room,_ she thought. _But if Ursa is being buried here, does that mean Ozai doesn't get one?_

_ What about me? Will I be put in this room when I die?_

It seemed like all she'd ever be was Zuko's sister, even at death.

Then again, she'd likely end up sharing a crypt with whomever she married. Even better.

Oh spirits, what if it was a foreigner?

At that thought, an image of the ocean filled her head, with dark shapes that resembled tightly wrapped human bodies sinking slowly down. She shivered.

The Sages chanted some final blessings, then filed past them and out of the room. The remaining group shuffled into a half-circle around the urn and all looked to Zuko.

“The formal stuff is over,” he said, “but if you want to say something, you can.” Following an awkward pause, he went on, “I'll start, I guess.

“There was a point that I never thought I see my mother again. For a while, I was sure she was dead. Finding her alive was...” Zuko faltered, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, then continued, “Anyway, at least I got a few more years with her, and for that, I'm grateful. I wouldn't be half as good a ruler or a man without her. I love you, Mom.”

Mai squeezed his hand, stood in thought for a moment, then said, “I didn't get to know Ursa until after her return. When we were young, I only knew her as Zuko and Azula's mother. I was afraid she wouldn't think I was good enough for her son, but she treated me like a daughter right away. I never felt small, or stupid, or in the way. I loved her a lot.”

Katara was next, Aang's arms wrapped around her like a security blanket, her head resting in the hollow of his neck, her eyes wet. “I wasn't looking for a replacement mother, and she didn't try to be, but somewhere along the way she became like a second mom to me.”

“And like a first mom to me,” Aang added.

“Yeah,” Katara agreed. “I just...if she had just let me check her sooner...maybe I could have found her disease and stopped it before it spread...Lady Ursa, why didn't you let me check you...” She buried her face in Aang's shawl and began to sob.

“It's not your fault, Katara,” Zuko said. “Mom was stubborn, and some diseases are just not curable and maybe she knew that.”

“I think she was just too preoccupied with...other things,” she mumbled. Furtive glances from Zuko, Mai, and Aang in Azula's direction made it clear what 'other things' Katara meant.

Ty Lee broke the ensuing silence with a few sugary words about how nice Ursa had been to everyone, no matter what station they came from. Sokka didn't have much to say except to agree. Then Toph related a story about sneaking Ursa out of the palace once to show her how to play some street games, much to Zuko's horror when he found out the following morning, and the others laughed a little.

Then everyone's gaze fell onto Azula. She considered bowing out. No one would blame her. But as she opened her mouth to excuse herself, a vision of Yue in the mirror popped into her mind. The moon spirit had tricked her, and Ursa had been her accomplice.

_ She didn't know_, whispered a voice in her mind. _It was Katara's idea, your mother was desperate, nothing else was working..._

 _ I don't care, _ she told it.  _ She is still partly to blame._

Everyone was still waiting, so she squared her shoulders. "Sure, I'd like to say a few words about my mother."

She took a deep breath, then blurted out, "I hate her. I hate what she's done to me." To accentuate her words she lifted a lock of her hair. "Here you all are talking about how great she was and all the fun times you had together, and I'm supposed to just keep quiet and feel sorry that she's dead. Well, I'm not sorry, and I'm done with this charade."

Azula turned her back on them and strode out of the room. Behind her came Zuko's growl, "How dare she, that ungrateful..." But anything more he said was lost as she turned the corridor and marched back up the stairs to the courtyard of the temple.

*

Some time later, dressed in a dark, drab shade of red and covered in her plain cloak, Azula arrived at the prison. Again she slipped money to the guard, again she strode through the dank halls to her father's cell. Standing before it, she threw back her hood and folded her arms.

Ozai sat in the center of the cell, cross-legged with his hands on his knees and his eyes closed, partially hidden by shadow.

"Taking up meditation?"

He did not open his eyes. "I don't wish to be disturbed today."

"Why? In mourning for your ex-wife?"

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "Sure. Let's go with that."

After a moment more of her staring he finally looked up at her. "Since you won't go away, what do you want?"

"If a person is having difficulty firebending, how would they go about fixing it?" she asked.

Ozai burst into snide laughter. "If I knew, do you think I'd still be here?" The laughs cut off abruptly and his expression turned thoughtful. "I suppose that if your bending wasn't forcibly removed, if you're merely suffering a block of some kind, then there should be a way to remove the block."

"That much I could figure out for myself," she scoffed. "What I want to know is how."

"If you find a way, let me know," he answered. "Then perhaps I can use it to reverse what the Avatar did to me."

Azula glared at him. "Thank you. You've been anything but helpful."

"Why should I be? What's in it for me?"

She huffed. "Honestly, Father, do you really have to ask that question?"

Now Ozai's air of indifference disappeared in favor of a calculating look. "Ask the Fire Sages. There's still quite a bit of old lore they keep in those temples of theirs, even after my grandfather's purges.”

This was not what Azula had expected, but... "I suppose it's worth a shot."

Rising and turning to go, she couldn't see his predatory grin, but she could hear it in his tone. "Do let me know how it turns out."


End file.
